Just look out for Mike Huckabee in the showers. I guess he has some kind of moron fantasy about that.

In a related story, the LHC created a mini-black hole which has changed the density of the entire Boston area. It is for this reason only (and in no way the chocolate cake) that I am 10 lbs heavier this morning.

It’s about freakin’ time. On the other hand, I hope John Oliver never holds a public campaign to get me fired because that dude has leverage.

Global warming truly sucks and may cause the end of civilization as we know it. But this my friends is an inconvenient truth.

Since Ireland is God’s backyard, I think I can speak on behalf of the Westboro Baptist Church when I say: “God loves lesbians, and gay men too.” And I am pretty sure that when they said “God hates fags” they were referring to fags as understood in Ireland, i.e. cigarettes. That’s why god gives lung cancer to smokers,…

So.... what happens now? Assuming that we accept this report as gospel, what is the punishment for probably being generally aware of actions that probably happened?

I also accuse the NFL of running a sting operation.... the worst sting operation in the history of operations. Seriously, they were warned ahead of time but:

OK, so the NFL had a warning that something funny might happen with the balls and had some time to prepare and yet:

Tom Brady was more likely than not generally aware of activities that more probable than not were occuring.

I am totally confused. Those texts seems to translate to:

Hold on here. This is the internet. I thought that protocol was to compare everything to nazis or fascist nazi state when making a stupid inappropriate analogy with someone you disagree with. Like this: “only nazis vaccinate” or “vaccines cause autism and nazi fascism”. See? Rolls off the tongue. (You’re welcome…

I have on good authority from some moron holding a snowball that global warming a lie. So, Ha ha.. you've been scienced!

Babies need to develop their brains. Brains consist of neurons. Neurons need fats and fatty acids to grow (this is one of the reassons why breast milk or cow's milk has a thick layer of cream on it).

Nine points for one touchdown drive! If I didn't know that the proposal came from an NFL owner, I would have bet it was from a drugged out lunatic. Oh... Irsay... nevermind.

OK, that's all well and good Mr. Luck.

Hold on, let me get this straight. You are a published author, you can clean anything on the planet, and you roll a nice tight joint. Please post pictures of the line forming in front of your door of suitors waiting to date you. Must be like the apple store on new iPhone day.

Question for all tech geniuses:

Not suggesting, just saying. Hasn't use of steroids been linked to abnormal clotting/pulmonary embolisms? I thought that was one of the reasons that Serena Williams was under greater suspicion after her similar bout.

Nope. Not buying it. Neither Usain Bolt nor the entire Kenyan marathon team could run an antelope to death. Try it some time with just your average white-tailed deer. You will quickly develop 1) respect for the endurance of quadripedal herbivores and 2) a desire for a rifle, bow and arrow or spear..... or maybe a…

Update: apparently the NFL was tipped off by the Colts that they had suspicions BEFORE the AFC Championship game, which begs a few questions: