You gotta dial ‘9' to get an outside line, guys.

Landry Jones, who is by far the worst QB ever to wear a Steelers uniform in my lifetime (sorry, I am too young to remember Mark Malone), has two career wins. Both of them are against the Browns.

25 point lead. Just for the record.

I have to ask, was this payment for Republican Senator’s votes to repeal the ACA?

I will brook no aspersions against Reeses, but will add that Trader Joe’s peanut butter cups are magnificent.

Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

ONE OF THESE FAT FLYING FIRE FUCKS IS GONNA DIE TO A DUMB ARROW AND COME BACK AS AN ICE DRAGON THERES NO WAY THIS WONT HAPPEN

Putting it out September 8th is pretty gross.

HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT JORDAN

Dump the asshole who yanks the cup out of her hand to take credit for the ball. Believe me, he’ll only become more of a controlling asshole, not less.

Two obvious takes

As a cat owner, that looks like an absolutely gigantic pain in the ass to feed your cat. I’m not hunting down some toy mouse every morning and afternoon to fill with kibble for them. It’s bad enough I have two cats I have to portion control how much they eat and another that has to get different prescription food. Do…

“the bowl-free, natural way to feed your cat.”

I can’t wait til Kaep caves, goes out and punches a woman and murders a few dogs and immediately gets offers from multiple NFL teams.

So is there a consumer version of this Mad Libs news article creator app you’re using? It seems like it’s a lot of fun.

Boogotti. Kasino.

Nothing inspires confidence quite like a billionaire liquidating assets.

Shit, this scene is the first thing I thought of.

Yeah, I think that’s just what it feels like for men when things are more equitable :)

skimming the beach on their ultra-low takeoffs and landings