He just has to whip himself into shape and make sure his ego doesn’t get bruised if he doesn’t get a majority of the carries. Maybe branch out to accommodate different facets of the offense, you know, switch it up.

I’m sure he’ll be anxious to stick it to the teams that passed on him.

Options kind of leave Malcolm in the middle.

I continue to be amazed by the disparity between the deals negotiated MLB and NFL players unions. It’s practically illegal to overpay a pro football player (QBs excepted), and practically illegal NOT to overpay any pro baseball player over the age of 25.

“Why are you guys so bad when Westbrook goes to the bench?”

Would it kill you guys to find a photo of Vlade that makes him somewhat remotely halfway sober?

Imagine a player with the head of a very smart kind of elephant and the body of, well, also an elephant but FAST! Now imagine a man who is half goat and he has hooks for hands. That’s crazy! Why not? Why can’t I have hooks for hands and live in the sewer? I’m just saying there’s no real reason why not. Cam Newton. Tom…

Also, sun is hot.  

Last time a Kizer talked this big, the rest of us got drafted.

Dare I ask what the thing with the cat is? Or do I really just not want to know?

I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

Go to bed, Burneko. You’re drunk.

Sorry, wait, who the fuck are the Atlanta Hawks?

Yes. This is the good stuff. More of this.

Will Smith should not do this movie, but I have to say that Guy Ritchie as the director is significantly more incomprehensible to me. I can at least understand why Smith was approached for the part (more than I can understand why he’d sign on), but Ritchie?

It was the most NFL players that have ever attended a White House visit EVER!

WHY ISN’T THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF JUICE

If that guy had invented a machine that gets the straw into those god-forsaken bags, he’d be a bazillionaire.

If making juice out of juice is so easy then how come everyone’s not doing it?