“Why are you guys so bad when Westbrook goes to the bench?”

I fear that what unites the Defenders will be Claire Temple. More specifically, her death. The same way Phil Coulson united the Avengers.

Would it kill you guys to find a photo of Vlade that makes him somewhat remotely halfway sober?

Jesus. Relax. Legos is used often enough now that it’s entered the lexicon and using it in a piece is perfectly acceptable.

The fourth wall break wasn’t really consistent, and to me that’s what made it so good. It allowed multiple interpretations of what the hell was going on to exist simultaneously. As such I don’t think they need to address it at all.

Imagine a player with the head of a very smart kind of elephant and the body of, well, also an elephant but FAST! Now imagine a man who is half goat and he has hooks for hands. That’s crazy! Why not? Why can’t I have hooks for hands and live in the sewer? I’m just saying there’s no real reason why not. Cam Newton. Tom…

Also, sun is hot.  

Last time a Kizer talked this big, the rest of us got drafted.

Dare I ask what the thing with the cat is? Or do I really just not want to know?

You missed the part where they instruct you to cut the bag open after use, put the used pulp in your compost, rinse the bag and put it in a box so you can save them up and mail them back to the company for recycling.

I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

Go to bed, Burneko. You’re drunk.

Sorry, wait, who the fuck are the Atlanta Hawks?

Yes. This is the good stuff. More of this.

Will Smith should not do this movie, but I have to say that Guy Ritchie as the director is significantly more incomprehensible to me. I can at least understand why Smith was approached for the part (more than I can understand why he’d sign on), but Ritchie?

It was the most NFL players that have ever attended a White House visit EVER!

Doug Evans, the company’s founder, would compare himself with Steve Jobs in his pursuit of juicing perfection. He declared that his juice press wields four tons of force—“enough to lift two Teslas,” he said.

WHY ISN’T THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF JUICE

If that guy had invented a machine that gets the straw into those god-forsaken bags, he’d be a bazillionaire.

If making juice out of juice is so easy then how come everyone’s not doing it?