Because the genie is being detained in Gitmo. Come on. Somebody with those powers from that region was never going to be allowed back into the real world.

When a powerful U.S. Senator is delivering copies of Pizzagate conspiracy theory manifestos to the director of the FBI, this equivalence will become valid.

Sisyphus, my man, just lay down and let the boulder crush you.

I wrote something similar in high school when I read the book jacket but not the book but turned in a book report anyway.

He’s wearing camouflage pants.

Fluffer.

Nothing will top the trailer for the shitty Lifetime Brittany Murphy biopic.

“Oiiiiiiiii!”

- Monsieur le Plow Driver

It’s about ethics in kinesiology

When told he would be out for 6-9 weeks recovering, Gronk simply high-fived his surgeon.

Devil’s devil’s advocate: Tim Duncan didn’t begin playing basketball until ninth grade. KAT was practicing with varsity in fifth. So, uh, I’m not sure what my point is, here.

Husky and Starch

ROLFLMAO

Negative interest? What does he look like, a Japanese bank?

That is a singularly unhelpful comment, as it is simply not true. Managerial employees are already exempt from overtime.

I think many people live in denial of the fact that at some point in their lives they have gotten very drunk and then sung every word (OK, maybe just the chorus) to Piano Man and had a damn fine time doing it. I have done this several times, and have no regrets about it at all.