I wish! I did tell him, after his frantic apology text that I liked him but I didn't LIKE like him.

I used to work directly across the street from the building I lived in and at the time my partner and I had somehow gotten into the habit of using ridiculous food euphemisms for sex. One day I was at work and got a message that said “If you come home right now, we can have egg salad sandwiches” so I dipped out of a…

I burned it from my phone but I once received an exercise in amateur literotica from my brother that was meant for his girlfriend. I texted back "Please, sir, there's been a mistake " and then died inside. 

Doesn’t all young women feel like that? I remember being grossed out that sad old sacks would ogle me. They must have been in their twenties. A 50-year-old would have made me puke at 25.

I have a 25 year old daughter and she thinks guys over 30 are creepy. She can’t be alone in this. I am of an age where I am invisible to all men except the husband. Although there is some beauty in this, I could do without the dudes who don’t seem to see me sharing the sidewalk with them, exiting the train, waiting on…

“What is it with narcissists and birthdays?”

Whoooo daddies! Did I kick off the year! So as mentioned here, last Friday, I did my first comedy stand up. I thought it was just an off the cuff thing at a local new bar, but maaaaaan! The dudes up in that joint were serious, and were pretty skeptical of my Mrs. Maisel get up (I purposely wore a cute dress, black…

I survived being dumped for the first time in my life, and I’m counting that as an achievement! I left my high school sweetheart last year after the relationship got toxic, so this guy was the 2nd guy I’ve ever dated. I fell in love way too fast and everything was great for 2 months until, all of a sudden, he had a…

I’m really sorry babybear. I spent years with a serial cheater and understand what you’re going through. Maybe he’s telling you the truth now and nothing happened. But the lying and cheating is just as bad. He allowed you to feel insecure and hurt. He had the power to set your mind at ease and chose not to because it…

I’m confident I will never be as fancy as those bouffant chickens, and I am fine with that.

Lizzo makes me happy.  That is all.

What is it with this? My sister in law brings her dog everywhere, even if she’s just going to be out for a few hours. 

And the fact that stores and even restaurants won’t kick these people out with their mutts infuriates me. I shouldn’t have to deal with your stupid dog when I’m  trying to get a meal.

I wish I could star this a million times. I’m very allergic to dogs and the rise in the cosseting of pets is driving me insane. I went to a shoe store the other day and there were 2 dogs in the store there with other shoppers. Why.

Snakes on a plane? Naw. Cats on my plane is my asthmatic nightmare. 

Did you get real silverware?? My united flight cot canceled and the next flight out happened to be Lufthansa, and I swear that I felt like I got upgraded even though we were just basic economy. The real silverware and Haagen-dasz ice cream made me feel real fancy.

I honestly wish people would take dog allergies as seriously and think about whom they inconvenience (or endanger) by bringing their dogs on the plane or to the office. [If this were simply limited to service animals, it wouldn’t be the plague it seems to be.]

I flew Lufthansa to Germany recently. Economy. And I got two meals included!

Ha! No. They just texted me photos from Pat O’Brien’s. Whereas I am very happily home watching L&O:CI, eating pork, peas and cabbage and drinking bourbon.

No. I’m going to do cocaine.