He HAS repeatedly admitted in public that he shot the sheriff, you know...

I love this one, specifically because there’s no way it was a government plot (they were *super* into it being a ‘gay plague’ they didn’t need to deal with), which means there is an independent shadowy puppetmaster cabal whose goals include public health education and protecting gay people, and that Hall of Fame Point…

I have heard lots of reasons why people dislike ESPN, but cancelling Stump the Schwab a decade ago is definitely a new one.

Me too! What do you put in yours? I do:

1.) Red wine, to taste

Don’t listen to her. She’s just trying to steer you toward eating square hamburgers.

We always called it “dropping the kids off at the pool” but I guess I am old school.

Q- What band has helped hide the most middle school dance boners?

“his balls look like wounded ducks flopping through the air”

That’s a pretty good shout. But the whisper of golf announcers, plus occasional sounds of gentle breeze, birds chirping, and soft applause make me feel like everyone associated with that broadcast are willfully encouraging me to fall asleep.

I would have just assumed he got a ride from his father’s coattails, per usual.

ODB is a big baby, jesus.

“...and the only player in the NBA who is currently outproducing him on offense is the guy who is literally breaking the game.”

AC Green? Russell Wilson? But yes, this is awesome.

touche. i had to look that up.

As opposed to Jahlil Okafor, who is being chaperoned around to avoid getting into any .081 situations.

also, it would be writers’ group.

Oddly, he’s the only person on the internet who can correctly type Kristaps Porzingis.

“That ain’t no fucking triangle. That’s a square.”

Are you seriously truthering the Spurs? That's hilarious.

**Does not apply to the service industry. Fuck away.