Jeeeeezus. They jus don’t get it. It sounds cliche I know, but our parents and generations before just do *not* understand. They don’t get work/life balance, they don’t get how fucking expensive everything is, they dot get that life is hard now. She was probably trying to be helpful but God, so infuriating.

Early and often. Armageddon is one of my favorite movies.

it’s like no context Instagram posts “I’m curled up with my tea looking at this picture of a woman napping with her hair draped over her face and everything is grey. Kinfolk relaxed.”

I’m allergic to gluten so I’ve gotten used to never getting to eat dessert at family dinners, or in most restaurants. One Thanksgiving, someone brought me a mini gluten-free apple pie. I was so overjoyed—it was a big fucking deal to me. Not just bc of the pie itself, but that someone made a special trip to buy me my…

Reminds me of that video of the woman crying because she wanted to go to the lake during the Summer. Maybe she really is crazy, nasty, and terrible... or maybe your bored wife just wanted to do something on the weekend for a change and you needled her all day and then recorded her to make her seem nuts.

My little guy Mofie passed away last night, and I want to share his photo with some cat appreciaters. He made 18 years and I was able to say goodbye and that I loved him, but it didn't hurt any less

You can tell he’s constantly pulling this bait-and-switch nonsense and then blaming her for not reading his inconsistent mind. He’s not good in bed. This much is obvious.

I was trying to figure out why my toilet seat was all scratched up. It turned out that my fiance scratched it up while wiping his ass while wearing a ring with a non-beveled edge.

I have so.many.people.muted.because.of.pyramid.schemes.

Graft vs Host?

I’d do the same. I don’t keep beauty secrets. Sharing them is way too much fun.

Like, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard spoken about sexual assault.

Van Susteren also notes that the Fox network is like a small town, where everybody knows everybody and knows who’s sexually harassing whom.

I would have heard it. People don’t keep things silent.

I’m neutral on TS but if this is calculated to fuck w/KW I will give her ALL THE HIGH FIVES.

Also low-fat salad dressings and “mayonnaise.” WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

FUCK ALL LOW FAT DAIRY!!

And it’s slightly *gasp* aging.

“He had to convince Chyna to carry his low metabolic seed” is the best sentence I’ve read in ages

I won’t be happy until we all speak like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.