I feel you on the "compliment and get the hell away" tactic. There have been times when I would normally say that I wanted no socialization (like at the grocery store), when someone gave me a quick compliment and it actually did have a positive impact, namely because it was obvious that all they wanted to do was…

Oh how QUAINT! *titters*

THOSE PEEPS!

Wasn't he in a limo? I feel like he was in a limo. If so, do limos even have seatbelts?

Ahhh, Kansas. . . My home state is the Florida of the Great Plains.

I think the real story is how no one took any pictures of the cookies! I mean, what the fuck is a "fire crotch with beef curtains" anyway?

I can't even properly describe my facial expression right now.

Back when I was a cook, I hated special orders and the person who asked for them. That said, if a special order came in I always assumed the person was allergic/ had religious dietary restrictions/ had ethical concerns about that particular ingredient. Then I sure as hell made sure I made their food the way they…

"God, drunk females are so mysterious."

I also feel like and amazing dancer and conversationalist when drunk.

I am trying SO hard to not write a dirty euphemism right here.

Fourteen year old me just died and went to heaven! And yes, I was still into Barbie at fourteen. I like clothes, dammit!

Hellllllo costume jewelry ring. I NEED YOU.

THE STAIRS! They are so fancy!

CUTE

I just think back to myself at 22, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to date me. Fuck me, sure, but not date. Maybe that is the problem. These dudes are confusing "dating" with "fucking."

I find these pissy messages so delicious. I swear I am addicted to Creepy PMs and Strait White Boys Texting. Hate reading never felt so good!

It is freaking DELIGHTFUL!

Please make this an actual thing, because I need this on my shelf next to "The Self-Destruction Manual" and "Today I Will Nourish My Inner Martyr"!

I'm gonna put my face right here, kay?

FIERCE!