"Whatever works."

If you want a good motel story, fly Delta with a connection in Atlanta. Guaranteed.

Once, I was stuck in Atlanta when our flight was delayed and didn't land in time for me to make my connecting flight. Delta sent me to the "Wellesley Inn," and I think there may be a rule somewhere that the shittier the dump, the fancier you name it. Anywho, they shuttled us to this dive in the middle of the night,…

Things I have learned:

The scam story is absolutely one of the scariest things I've read in a while. It would fit in with the annual Jez Halloween scary stories bonanza.

Hey! I look quite stylish when I roll into work in my unlined sack dress with uneven arm holes and crooked hems!

Yeah, people that say they sew their clothes at home to save money are full of it. Unless they're wearing like, flannel frog print pajamas to work every day.

No, Turtle.

Canyon of misinterpreted judgment before me. My polkadots, never one to back down from a challenge, have softened to a muted hue. Fearful to illuminate in an over-saturated habitat.

Maybe she discovered pot?

Her writing is full of imagery but seriously needs some workshopping. On the other hand, making your reader nauseous with hundreds of vague metaphors is definitely a skill so I don't know how to feel about this.

"He would have made such a good doctor, but now he works as a Starbucks barista so he can write his stories. I tell him he's no Stephen King but he just rolls his eyes at his poor, loving mother."

Mister Tea and I are both from the same tiny Midwestern town and when we got married 21 years ago, we decided to have the wedding in said tiny Midwestern town because even though there is nothing to do there, it was still infinitely better than having it in the slightly larger Midwestern town we lived in at the time…

And to those people I say: My mom went out with my dad because she wanted to meet my dad's roommate. He badgered her into dating him. He had to badger her into marrying him.

They fucking hate each other. It sounds romantic from the outside, but it is not. cute. up. close.

Dammit, Ella Mae Clampett, yer 'spoke to take yer teeth OUT before the BJ.

Six years waitressing in high end catering halls, I've seen some shit. The last place I worked no longer served tap beer because someone had ripped the tap off the bar and used it as a weapon (this was before my time). Weddings take the fun out of many dysfunctional families. At my own wedding, held at a place I had…

I was a DJ at a wedding dj company for a year (horrible job!), and I've seen a few things, but the most intense one was a multi-cultural wedding I did. There was a whole stack of CDs in another language for me to play along with the company's library. That was cool, but difficult. I didn't speak the language, so…

not to flashy but still sucky. at my wedding, I went to the bathroom and since i'm the groom, EVERYONE wants to talk to me. So a simple piss turns into me being in the bathroom for like 20 minutes.