You may not be getting a croissant, but you're definitely getting a cannoli.

I'm hiding him inside my vagina.

#realwomenhavecurves

My boyfriend and I watched Sixteen Candles this weekend and marveled at the fact that the actor who plays Jake Ryan is now 55. FIFTY-FIVE!!!

#thatgirlwhousesahashtagforeveryiteminthepicture

Bonus points for pointing "Not Asshole" at the spot where the asshole would be if the top two circles were ass cheeks

Look, it's a little hard not to take this personally.

That lying bitch.

Well, sorry, because you know I'm a fan and all, but "Cilantro Lime Crema" is a terrible substitute for guacamole and an even worse idea for a screenname.

Blackberry Greenhouse????

Guys. It's a basic matte red lipstick. It's not even a particularly hard-to-find, special shade, like a deep blue red or an orangey red. It's just...normal red. MAC makes a million like this. NARS makes a million (matte lip pencil in Dragon Girl and lipstick in Jungle Red are similar to that KVD rape shade). I use a…

These names are making Cherries In The Snow sound kinda dirty now.

How about Underage Rage, for the red you see every time some gross old man feels entitled to control and exploit your body and sexuality?

Wait. Which one? Did she sleep with all of them? Hussy.

Hey, some women are size queens, okay? Gotta get that huge pole!

"Waiter! Bread sticks! And there's a small fleck of cheese on this table. Have it cleaned. Chop chop!" Needless to say, the evening went downhill from there.

I personally will miss the references to the Black Fruit Growing Tree in Large Horticultural Space Restaurant. You're a spoilsport, Pinkham.

Here's the proud papa

I saw her show at the Laugh Factory in LA in the '90s multiple times, and I quickly learned that if you were in the women's restroom before the show, you would get to meet her, because she always went in there before going on to say hi and to just hang out for a few minutes with the gals. At the time I thought okay,…

Thats a straight up insult. Sorry.