The fact that every new news story has been a tie for last fucking place, the consolation I'm taking tonight is - At some point in this person's next career 'forced oral sex' is going to mean something.......else. What a piece of work. Please nobody hate on me, it was just a thought.

America hates many things but I think they despise black and woman the most.

Damn it woman, I like you.

This. This is what people don't realize. Even borderline personality disorders are very good at maintaining a wholly fake reputation and go to severe lengths to keep people from finding out. I lived with someone who mentioned that he wanted me to quit my job. It didn't sound serious, I ignored it. Then he started…

Say Hi! to Steve!

That was fucking amazing! Holy shit, how funny. I am going to make every one watch this. Everyone was overdressed!

Annnnd, Nicki is actually better than the 'artist's rendering'. Take that. (Or them.)

Nicki Menaj will play Spiderwoman. The end.

That's in the Land of the Lost remake with Will Farrell.

A really brutal reality. But not half as much when she realizes nothing will be done. Or that she can make nothing happen.

But, he's so attractive, why would he need to rape anybody? Hahahaha! Seriously, my 8 year old daughter has shot her gun between 20 and 30 times and will soon be learning level 4 combatives. I want my daughters to be able to snatch balls off. You're welcome, rapists!

Now you know why they call it 'horseradish'. Do the google.

I try to imagine Trump reflecting on not having any toilet paper in the middle of the desert.

Must.....more more....star stars. Must have more.

Not really getting the rapey vibe here. However, Just Stay There In The Woods And Fuck is definitely the one they need to go with. Short and to the point.

Okay, the Ferguson P.D. is sending in undercover guys to vandalize and do violence, there's a picture of everyone wearing the same government issued boots (the arrestors & arrestees) so....the Ferguson P.D. can react to protesters violently? How is this not a thing?? Why is no one doing a report on that?

This lady is going to literally be the best mother in the land come Halloween.

Freaking Brilliant. I would love to explain this to my kids.

I was turned on...until I saw that. Now, I have a tacky, gag-reflexy thing going on.

Dear Global Beet, I want you to know that over the last few weeks of 'news', my blood pressure meds have stopped working. No sarcasm. I can't believe that I have to go back to the doctor because of 'the state of things'. I may have to take a day or two off from the internet, but I will be back to rage again. Thank…