Hey! We all have our burdens to bear as younger siblings. Sometimes you just can’t catch a break and be a first-born.

Oh Bernie. Go home. Have dinner. It’s 4 o’clock somewhere.

Oh no, he likes caucuses because sometimes they favour him. See, it’s all very hypocritical not hypocritical at all.

Name a crime that CAN’T be committed in 20 minutes. Nearly every crime can be.

Sorry to hear he’s not well, but can we talk real for a minute? What exactly IS Richard Simmons’ deal? He’s spent his entire career doing a shtick where he refuses to address his sexuality but then plays up every possible stereotype of effeminate gay men, often for the purpose of ridicule (his Letterman appearances,…

Agreed. I tried watching a recording I found on the internet, but I’ve never been able to get through it. Every so often a cast member looks directly at whomever was recording with their phone and gives an almost imperceptible look of disapproval. I feel so guilty I have to turn it off every time.

By ‘unspoken rule’ do you mean ‘no one know this rule but me, but I’ll silently fume if anyone dares break it’?

This story is so awful that no one has even mentioned that the photo shows Fort Myers HS is the “Home of the Wolfpack.” The Home of the Muthahfuckin’ Wolfpack. Come the fuck on, Florida.

This horse is Angie Harmon’s spirit animal.

Think it’s pretty clear your horse is not better. Sorry ‘bout it.

Except some “family” bathrooms only have one toilet with no stalls or anything, so if they all had to pee, the penises the little girl would be seeing would be her brother’s and her dad’s. He probably wasn’t thinking, “Oh no, she might see a bit of penis” so much as “The men’s room probably has at least 3 stalls so we…

I feel bad for Johnny Depp and I’ll (probably) always root for him, BUT if Amber Heard says, “He’s not the man I married” all I can say is NEVER A TRUER WORD WAS SPOKE. It’s been a rough couple of years in Deppland.

I don’t live in wherever the hell Johnny Depp lives (California? France? Space? Tim Burton’s attic?) so maybe I just don’t understand spousal support laws, but I don’t get how it’s unusual for him not to want to pay...? In Canada, if you were only married for 15 months and you had no children and your spouse was young…

This is one of those stories that makes me feel like an asshole for not always realizing that this is probably what goes on for child stars all the time. I mean, I know so many of them become addicts, criminals, and straight-up crazy messes, but it makes a lot more sense if you factor in a culture of widespread abuse…

Actually the clean toilet has made me change my tune on the is she isn’t she debate. That toilet says pregnancy to me. My toilet was never so compulsively clean as when I was pregnant and had non-stop puking. I did have to wrap my head around the toilet several times a day so I made damn sure it was pristine. Same…

He must be so popular.

Couple of questions: Why exactly did he keep them for 20 years? (Is this bet real? Or does his “friend” live two towns over, in Canada, and you wouldn’t know him?) And also, how much did he get paid for that terrible haircut? Because that has “this is for a bet” written all over it.

Susan Sarandon is exhausting me lately. It’s like I’m stuck at an endless cocktail party and she keeps coming up to me to talk about fair trade vodka and sustainable punch bowls.

Yeah, I’m not questioning that it’s POSSIBLE. I’m questioning whether it’s ALSO possible that this girl might, in fact, be full of shit. She made a statement about not wanting kids right now, not being happy about being pregnant, and suspiciously being 4 weeks along. It just sounds like the sort of things that soap…