Story 1: So, let me offer the following backstory: I’m lactose intolerant. That’s it, that’s the whole backstory.

Oh omg this just reminded me so vividly of my own similar experience: I was in college, watching a movie with this guy I was sort of seeing. Not a lot of comfort between us, yet, is what I mean. Still in the hiding our farts phase. But I really liked him. He lived in an old house with a bunch of housemates but they…

I’d like to start a round-table discussion about how much this confuses our dogs.

Great, can’t wait for my one year old to wake up at 5AM instead of 6AM.

Why do people want to hug kids anyway?

He is a walking talking No One Cares About Your Boner meme.

“These are clearly liberal spirits, conjured by a mainstream medium”

Yeah, and as a short woman I would not at all be bothered by this.

I just had a vision of calling that number, and suddenly Mark Ruffalo appears at my precinct and Hulks out on any would-be voting intimidators.

Holy shit, if that worm thing had happened to me, the roles would have been reversed. My husband would have been REVOLTED, and I’d have responded to that by picking it up and chasing him around the house with it. “THIS CAME OUT OF MY BUTT. IT’S WIGGLING AND IT WAS IN MY BUTT!!!!!”

by that logic, i’m exceptional at quitting smoking - i’ve done it a multitude of times.

I’ll just leave this here...

“...there’s a loophole for those arrested for incest involving someone under 12 years old.”
*record scratch* Say what now?

As a fat woman who gets plenty of the sex with plenty different types of people, many of whom look in a way that even thin folks consider “holy shit hot” territory, let me assure you— feeling insecure about how you look in the sack has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with patriarchally enforced…

The right-wing in Colorado scares me, whether they be in Boulder of Colorado Springs. I blame it on the altitude.

One of my father’s choicer “Dad Quotes” is the answer to the first amendment arguement bullshit.

My brain saw this as “Jesus lap dancing Christ”

I love the Good Place. It’s so funny.

Speechless is my favorite new show of the fall season. Every character is funny. As for podcasts, have you tried My Favorite Murder?