First Responder: Stay still, sir. I’m going to ask you a few questions.

ABC 7 Station Manager: You need to pee in this cup.

Dear Watt, I wrote you but you still ain't calling

But you were Fidel Castro; why didn't you send him to a labor camp for being an asshole?

Clearly this is a screw-up, but I'm not surprised if this actually is a technical glitch. All it takes is one person forgetting to set some flags on an item database to end up with this scenario. Especially if it was never communicated to the tech people that this was a new change of law/policy.

pretty sure that was mcgehee and directed at the ump (since fiers was turning his head back and forth when it was said). fiers thought mcgehee was yelling at him. the bench thought that fiers was trying to start something. it was a mis-communication.

I think a better solution would be instead of boards, have a ledge that players will fall over and then a Turtle on a cloud with a fishing pole rescues them and drops them back in the middle of the ice.

"He asked us if we were dating anybody. (Hey, Tony, I never told you this, but that girl I told you about, the one I said I really liked but who didn't like me back? We've been married for 12 years. We've got two kids. You were right.)"

Feelings. I have them.

Thank you, David. Thank you, Deadspin.

"Short shorts? C'mon bro."

Poor DRAFTRON 3000, it wasn't your fault the intern selected "WR ONLY" and nobody noticed for 3 years.

Anti-vaccination groups argue that vaccinations can lead to mental retardation, which in turn, can lead to great difficulty in spelling the name "Jackson".

And as our own Albert Burneko put it, both kind of look like an emphysemic Pac-Man hocking up a blood loogie.

"I hope this serves as a lesson to All-Americans. Whoops. I mean, all Americans."

Nutty bars at 17? Did you suffer some kind of tastebud accident as a child and now your mouth is all messed up and filled with bad opinions?

If it could be converted into Zombie Laser Tag during the month of October, I would actually take the time to venture to the Mall of America.

Wrong. The saddest tweet is that of the last California condor, only twelve weeks old, as it watches its beloved mother slowly die from lead poisoning, while also coming to the realization that the very same toxic lead that killed its mother was likely passed into its system as it fed, thereby leading said condor to…

It's not all bad on the other side of the Jeopardy fame bubble. Ken Jennings managed to parlay his winning streak into a book deal and a cushy gig on the speaking circuit, while IBM's WATSON is now the head writer at Buzzfeed.

Or laser tag. Laser tag in that building would be awesome.

and i thought most arizonians were vehemently anti-beaner.