It's not all bad. Hot Carl 69 seems like a classy guy.

Most importantly, the ">" is completely reversible.

This man may have the worst job in the US.

It sounds bad because we only have half the story. The other half involves the Redskins acting on behalf of Tony the Tiger.

I would love to return a rental to Avis with an additional 21,000 on the odometer. Also, no need for oil changes, it's just a rental!

And now Obama has forced Storify to violate Deadspin's right to free speech! WHERE WILL THE MADNESS END???

14 stars, one for each beer he drank this morning.

Sterling doesn't know if it's been altered? I'm just going to go ahead and call the content on the tape accurate now. Or they're working on crafting his Alzheimer's case.

And according to the Fitness-Tron 2000, the secret ingredient to weight loss is LOVE? Why, you worthless hunk of junk....

This is entitled, "Go Fuck Yourself, Jim McMahon".

Why is he continually booing Jeter? His retirement tour hasn't made it to Philly yet.

Joke's on you, Hank!

Nothing says "bro" like an impromptu paintball war!

If it makes you feel better, 99% of Madison hates Scott Walker.

On the evening of September Andrew Meyer asked John Kerry a question. The police didn't like it, and the conversation went like this. "Are you arresting me" said the Andrew. The police didn't answer and pulled out a taser. "Dont tase me bro" said the Andrew. The police tased the Andrew.

Harvard must have attended the Farley School of Communications:

$875,000 American = $3,000,000 Floridian

Gus Kenworthy Heroically Murders Puppy

Can someone please convert the Mall of America into a giant paintball arena? Because that would be awesome.

I think if they had too many people they wouldn't be closing...