Just proving nobody knows who actually plays for the Marlins:

Whitlock: [types race-baiting article]

http://deadspin.com/here-is-an-act…

North Dakotan, Alaskan, or West Virginian?

North Dakota and Alaska like to pretend to be hardcore.

For a special evening, consider pairing a bottle of Fabulous Dry with a light pork dish.

Yasiel must have infringed on his religious beliefs.

This isn't the Bucks graph.... It's Bango's EKG after an overdose of cheese curds.

j. Saw Sleepless in Seattle. Then made a career of writing about my Starbucks coffee selections.

This is ridiculous. Being screwed by a golden ram is the highest honor one can receive in West Chester.

Blast this cursed typing machine!

Zachary Taylor was a prick... I much preferred Millard Filmore.

Of course he had a ton of assists. Under No Child Left Behind, everybody passes.

I'm so glad that I turned down that big gulp he offered me.

Richie Incognito

It's going to be a big distraction. That's the reality. It shouldn't be, but it will be.

Who is See, and what are you doing with his semen?

Better get the gimp.

• Sit and pee, as this is not gay.

Pictured: The newest members of the firm.