@UkraineNotWeak: In his defense, he thought she was just a table. Pretty impressive that she could balance breadsticks and a 44 oz Coke. #kansasstatewildcats

@HollywoodBob: But the book was much better than the movie... #kindle

Private Pile is tired of his shit.

Do you know how good Kate Hudson tastes after she's been marinating in a hot tub filled with maple syrup all day? I think not.

@TheUCanes: You sound like a former Hurricane announcer...

Bruce Bowen learned something I learned long ago: hair salon > Milwaukee.

The team is now in the hands of a hated no talent ass clown

no one is going to want to trade for a spoiled brat wide receiver

@Weed Against Speed: I usually just give him half a bottle of nyquil and chain him to his bed.

Ted Thompson has really let himself go.

Cardinals Bullpen Fixes John Smoltz In Five Minutes

This was the worst alcohol-purchasing decision since I purchased that pallet of Zima.

Batdad can take both these guys.

"I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard." -Caster Semenya

@What Would Tim Tebow Do?: Close, if only Houston wasn't already in Texas.

Roger Goodell has yet to hook Vick up to his patented Remorse-O-Meter to see if his blood has appropriate levels of Lessons Learned.

Where can McGriff pick up both roast beef and road beef? That's right, Old Country Buffet! Bring your coupons!

an aging former convict, who scavenges garbage for a living

@ScientificMapp: This is a rare photo. How many times do you get a photo of an ex-President, Joe Morgan, and Gary Busey?

@Karlifornia: +1