I come to Deadspin for dick jokes and absurdity. Diana’s reporting makes me feel better about it.

The ultra marathoner pics did teach us something: at least now we know how Donald Trump was spawned.

I think he comported himself nicely against his opponent, Hadham.

I can’t be the only one who read the headline and wanted to see R. Lee Ermeydressing down millennials.

Thank you for posting something that gets that disgusting hot dog sandwich blog out of my mind. Blecch.

Well, I must say that I do have a wee bit of a suggestion for Herr Jeets:

In America, we use words like “grit” to describe players who are willing to get dirty and like “captain” for those who will do anything for their teammates.

He’s hoping the judge finds him injured and replaces him with Dak Prescott.

$201 million sounds like a lot, but a DVDA contract has some pretty onerous stipulations.

Posting a picture of your best player with the word “Resigned” underneath sends a pretty conflicting message.

I want sooooo much more information.

I think I get the headline. A Farewell to Arms would have been a little on the nose.

...and that’s why you can never fully get away from DeJong arm of the law.

“The last hitter who hit .400 is dead and gone. There isn’t going to be another of those.”

He’s kinda the William O. Douglas of his day, if you stop to think about it.

“Oh, the huge manatee!”

With all that padding on, how are they supposed to show off their dirty knees?

He could have avoided charges had he thought to bring some fries to throw on top.

Memorial Day in a drunk tank is still preferable to Thanksgiving with the family.

At least he has that communications degree to fall back on.