I hate to pile on, but you also errantly besmirched nova lox. I think you meant “artificially colored fish substitute.”

Post Summary:

Umm, he’s on the road in Oregon. It’s cholera. I hope he and the oxen ford the river to safe health.

That’s missing some punctuation

“In Tennessee, state senator Mae Beavers attempted to pass a bill that would require students in public schools to use the bathroom corresponding with the sex listed on their birth certificate.”

I can explain it, if you’d like. See, dong is a synonym for home run.

She needs a new doctor. Knee injuries generally don’t progress like that.

Really looking forward to the explainer companion piece.

If Florida could read, she’d thank Xavier. Then eat his face.

Good luck getting home from Toronto, Giannis and Thon!

Visigoths, Cumdogs, Maple Leafs, pro wrestlers. Quite a morning at Deadspin hq.

“I’ve talked to Turner. I’ve talked to CJ. I’m convinced only one thing will save this team: Les Miles.”

I guess a fire at the Reichstag would be a little too on the nose.

Simmons should be a little more careful around ankle biters.

“[expletive] said you don’t know what ‘Shalom’ means [emoji].”

Cowboys AND Indians? Pick a side, bro.

Awful. True, but awful.

Here comes some more LaVar Ball criticism about LeBron not caring about his seed.

Hey! It’s me from the future. We’re all fucked.

Huh. So maybe his Achilles heel isn’t his Achilles heel after all.