Pretty sure I've seen a person reading a book on the way to work.  

The first Lord of the Rings in my theater had intermission!

Someone give that car an EpiPen stat!

I think a ban would only turn out like the prohibition days or abortion bans. Doesn’t stop people from doing it, but might turn into something more dangerous should it happen. Definitely stop them from marketing to kids etc. and alert the public of risks, but total ban may just be ineffective.

“She’s got a son...together, that is a beautiful young man,” Trump continued.

I worked with someone who’s birthday is 9/11. Another co-worker found out and his reaction was to say “Wow! Really?”. He said it in that way like how messed up, not in a good way.

Was a man of the left?  Well sure conceptually speaking if I see someone to my right, I’m a man of the left.

Because he knew it would take Trump 15 min to unfold it. That way he had enough time to drop it off and leave without anyone arguing with him.

Your welcome.

This is what Zac Efron looks like if we existed in an alternate reality where he didn’t make good choices.

So is Trump arguing that he didn’t overrule VP’s and advisers, but he did in fact cancel the meeting?  Or that he didn’t cancel the meeting but admits to cancelling the meeting?  I’m confused.  Oh...fucking kiss ass.

I’ve never understood the appeal of driving in a convertible. Too many smells. Car exhaust, diesel exhaust.  Trash or smell of cow shit if I'm going through the rural areas.  Grass fires are a possibility.  When I had hair, I hated the wind blowing through it. Now that I’m bald, I just can’t justify the additional…

Also if the dealer has it for sale online, it's already sold and they just needed an excuse to get you to call in to sell you something different.

Ah good ole musical chairs. It’s a dangerous game when you think about it.

Someone help me with the math!

Radio Announcer: So Mitch... you’ve been called The Grim Reaper, Bitch McConnell, The Napping Turtle, Moscow’s Mitch, Stupid, Dumb Mother Fucker, Cocaine Mitch, Koch Addict, Piece of Shit, Son of a Bitch, Idiot, Pure Evil, a Kentuckian, Moscow Mitch. How does that last one make you feel?

I just think I got to a point where I was aware of what was causing some of my issues, a little bit of depression combined with the severe uptick in soft serve ice cream (plus other deserts), and I made the decision for myself to simply cut out that type of food which has no benefit for me to eat it. I already cut out…

Can you kill that which does not have a soul?

Referring to Native American people as savages? That’s savage.

I also use this line when someone offers me Garlique on my pasta. I can Garlique my own balls thank you very much! It’s only happened once, but it’s all about being prepared in the moment.