It scares me as a kid I used to trade out most of my foods for those delicious rolls in the school cafeteria. And I was as skinny as they came too. I guess I ate better at home, but damn if I wasn’t a terrible eater. And picky too.

A highly durable synthetic polymer. Due to its hydrophobic and homophobic nature, the church prefers pence to transport all its waste.

Definitely a cluster flock.

You went down there? You’re gonna get some salmonella poisoning just for showing up.

“eating my feelings don’t talk to me”

I always chuckled when two of my Asian co-workers greeted each other with , “Sup my ninja!”.

If I made any of those six songs, I’d be suing the shit it out of the other five.

I’m going with same password from their shared Facebook profile. No way they had separate FB pages based on how messy and distrustful their divorce is going.

“The tax-bashing congressman campaigned on a pledge to reject the Washington “status quo” and has bragged about his own frugality, claiming he even sleeps in his congressional office to save money.”

That awfulness is hypocritical not just in the WWJD kind of way, but also because so many priests (maybe up to 80 percent in the Vatican!) are gay themselves. The people running the anti-gay church are gay!

I don't think Mother T was all that great of a person but the comparison is still pretty out there.

Maybe she meant to say she couldn’t think of a person who has done more to women?  That would make more sense.

Best ROI I’ve ever made was on a pair of Wahl clippers that were bundled with a rechargeable mustache trimmer. It was under $90 and that was a decade ago.

I had a compound fracture on my index finger in middle school.  Her nail may fall off and grow back all weird like mine did.  

I like my camping like I like my sex. Wet, wrapped in nylon, and seconds from death.

I keep imagining someone requesting this Obama-Trump report that shows individuals who voted for both and the IT programmer just laughing because joining those two tables would result in no records.  Then his mind is blown when it pulls in data.

I guess if they wanted to imply happiness they would’ve called it, The Good Morning Show.  Also reminds me that I work with someone who has responded with ,”Is it?”, when someone said, “Good morning.”. 

Cheese and biscuits.  I'm surprised he didn't throw up or cry like a newborn.  I know I would have.  That gave me a pain in my balls just watching it.

I’ve seen that study where they showed children a picture of Jesus, and then Ronald McDonald. Everyone got Ronald McDonald, not quite everyone got the white Jesus correct.

I kinda think it didn’t even register with that person. You know, the engine is running but there’s nobody behind the wheel. Might also be the type you see in the grocery store that stops pushing the cart and suddenly looks up, not to see which aisle they’re on, but that they came to the realization that they’re in…