Oh God, I read your comment and the House of Cards intro music started playing in my head.

When I read this, it doesn’t change any of the story to me. Only adds that the cops were already on the scene, so why not snitch.

This is true, and if it’s fresh produce that they looted, it won’t still be fresh by the time they reopen the store.

Tom Llamas will send your boss a weekly summary of how many times you went to the bathroom.

Should he collect $200.00?

Going to a mega church is easy. Being Christian or Christ-like is really hard.

They’re all awful.

If you take a dump on it, the flag will burn easier.

Curious if she is actually pregnant. No mention of that in the charges?

...and exacts revenge based on that date?

Yeah, I kinda feel old because I feel like we peaked in the 90's for my genre of music and haven’t seen anything like it since. There’s always exception to the rule but overall music has sucked across the board.

I knew someone would find it!

I’ve seen that movie but it’s been a while. I was actually referencing an older article on Jezebel or the sister sites where the guy was complaining about an open relationship, that was his idea, but he was having zero luck finding other women and his gf was banging it with plenty of other guys. He then wanted her…

How do you know she wants to fuck someone at the British Broadcasting Corporation?

And we all know what will happen if she agrees to this open relationship. She will end up sleeping with someone first and he won’t like it :). She will probably then realize she’s better off without him.

I was in a 20 items or less and the next person in line, when the lady behind me asks if she can go ahead of me. I was shocked because she’d been waiting behind me this whole time in the queue and all of a sudden wants to be next. Of course I let her go ahead. Maybe she was close to shitting herself or suddenly…

2006 Saturn Vue. It’s the epitome of why car manufacturers needed a bailout several years later. Cheap plastic, crap engine and high maintenance costs. Hell, if I turn the volume knob down too fast, the volume actually turns up. I’ve had so many issues with this car, I can’t remember them all. Everything from…

OK, but if you find yourself waiving a little too rigid or wanting to exterminate humans because they are different from you, then you should probably let the sides grow out. Don’t shave it all off as that’s more of a lateral move.

I see Fred Trump. Where’s DJ trump? He’s arguably in the most influential and powerful position in the US, I figured he’d be in there somewhere.

Depending on things like humidity and temperature, the balls can be many shapes and sizes. I find it best to put a short guard on the ole mustache/ball trimmer to avoid overzealous trimming. I can’t imagine doing the Dr. Evil method and ritualistically shaving my testicles with a razor.