YOU BIT YOUR TONGUE RIGHT OFF. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Wait...do other people NOT accidentally punch themselves in the face frequently?

Well, my now husband and were having pizza one afternoon. After we were done eating, one thing lead to another and I starting giving him a good ol BJ. I was horny, so was he, so I got on top and started riding away, enjoying ourselves. Then I felt a slight burning sensation. I was like, oh whatever, it'll go away.…

Bloody nose and lip pulling up my own bra strap. My hand slipped and I punched myself.

That's so sweet, but you should probably pick a better hero - one who's not a dipshit.

I was maybe 12 or 13 and had just gotten into wearing heels. I loved how they made me feel. I would wear heels anywhere and everywhere, and not kitten heels but 5+ inches. So one time I wore them to the park with my friends, and I wasn't to just sit around, I loved to run around and play with everything at the park.…

I fell down the three stairs on my porch, grabbed hold of the porch column with one hand, swung around and slammed face first into my car that was parked in the driveway.

1) Slammed the stapler down on my thumb in Kindergarten, just to see what would happen (lots of pain and a stable embedded in my thumb, that's what happened)

Not me, but at my corporate software office, we would sometimes have tea breaks, where a few of us would gather at the break table, make a nice pot of an interesting loose-leaf tea, and relax for a few. Anyway, one of the mates brought in a fancy iron teapot, and for some reason, they decided to do a manly contest to…

i have done a billion fucking dumb shit things but i just wanna start with the fact that i have cut myself pretty excellently with a plastic butter knife.

"It's not intended to actually sell clothes," yet it's part of a partnership with a clothing brand. I dunno, maybe I'm just dense, but I don't think it works at all. It's like a live-action Cathy cartoon.

No, thank you.

God - as if learning to love yourself at that age (or any) isn't hard enough, and then you look in the yearbook and someone has basically marked you as "not pretty enough" and made you into what they think you should look like? I had terrible self esteem at that age - if this had happened to me, I might still be…

HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THESE?????????????

if you actually care about audio quality then you'd rather be dead than get anything by Beats.

"To automatically to be lumped into that category of a gang... that hits a little close to home for us, because that isn't our intent at all," Strobl said.

omg he is horrified