Having it all sounds terrible. I want like, 35%. Tops.

I think we should put quotes around the word "books." Because, really...

Where the hell is Three's Company?

My best friend's engagement story involves surprise sea turtle hatching. Which worked out well since her now husband turned his iPod to Hakuna Matata instead of Can You Feel the Love Tonight? right before getting on one knee.

Awww, but turtles are harmless! Seriously, most of them couldn't hurt you even if they wanted to! Except for turtles of the snapping and teenage mutant ninja varieties.

Your friend is a genius.

Taylor is too busy buying feminist books from independent booksellers

I prefer pie.

So it was MILD mustard, even. Good Lord.

I just learned that Ciara's middle name is PRINCESS. Future seems relatively normal in comparison.

Wow, Lea Michele actually said, "for a Broadway beat."

She makes me feel really bad about my core.

Or an electronic castaway?

Is he a digital stowaway?

Oh, hell no.

Make that a 1999 choker...hahahahaha

It would be extra special if Ciara's son's middle name is "Sailors." But I bet it isn't.

This is the perfect comment.

So is he Future II or Future, Jr.? When they're out at a party, can they be all like, guys, we gotta go, we gotta get back to the Future II?

I don't hate it. I'm also obsessed with Ciara so...