High five fellow skipper. Top of my class, 1 dicey attendance day away from failing senior year.

If i witnessed that I would have been all like

Actually, I went three times. Thanks for stopping by!!!!

What kind of question is that?

Good. I don't trust people who can't pronounce my name.

I don't have kids yet, but when my nephew was 11 months, he did this one morning. I was carrying him and rocking him gently and he just just put his little arm around my neck and put his head on my shoulder. It was so sweet. We just stayed like that for awhile.

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks

when my kids were babies and they hugged me like that, it was the best thing ever ever ever. If it is her favorite photo, it's obvious as to why.

Proof that dogs are sweet, but often incredibly oblivious and dumb creatures. My dog has yet to figure out that cats don't like it when he play bows and tries to pounce on them.

Tadflabbit! I have plans that whole weekend! Traveling to Baltimore to visit a friend! How can I relax at Camden Yards watching a ball game... knowing Piper might be getting out of the chokey? Who can observe the majesty of the Baltimore Aquarium when Red might be hatching another plot to eviscerate Pornstache ?!

"Emily, did you sleep with Dean McDermott?"

Please comment on every single one of my articles for as long as I have this job. I need this in my life.

This broke me. I had to leave my cubicle to laugh in the bathroom.

RING THE BELL IN FLAVORTOWN SQUARE BECAUSE GUY REVERE IS RIDING HIS 4-COURSE FLAVOR HORSE THROUGH THE STREETS TO WARN YOU ABOUT HIS BRAND NEW CASH MONEY DELI BRO-GIE JAM PACKED WITH MORE MEAT THAN A DRUNK SORORITY GIRL ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. AND THIS AIN'T NO GAY-OLI MY FRIENDS, OUR STRAIGHT GANGSTER VOLCANO AIOLI SAUCE…

Maybe she's a mermaid?

This is no surprise to anyone who has had the misfortune of reading her other book, The Kind Diet. All she talks about in there is how drinking milk will give you osteoporosis and how eating fruits that grow in a climate different than yours makes you sick. And the best thing you can ever eat is sea vegetables, which…

"though it's less common among kind mamas, some women experience the blues after giving birth"