Jabba: “So you can get my cargo delivered on time, despite the Imperial troubles in the area?”

Young Solo: “I can.”

Ron Howard Voice Over: “He can’t.”

Is it bad that this is one of the first movies I masturbated to?

Dude, I’m going to have to join in on the dogpile over the public act of shipping you’ve committed.

Onion rings > french fries.

They could always lampshade it a bit, like Rocket says something along the lines of “What? Because I look like whatever a ‘racoon’ is and she looks like an ‘otter’ somehow they just assumed we knew each other?”

It’s tough to get anyone in Washington to admit to obstruction these days.

My guess is because there’s two of them and one of him? Maybe don’t want the other being jealous is all I can think of.

We debated this one for a while trying to parse out Scherzer’s exact string of words, though some of them are pretty obvious. I think we’ve settled on “fucking bastard motherfucking bitch motherfucker” and now I can’t see it any other way.

Besides the fact that I got bills ‘n shit, weed is the only reason about half the people at my job ain’t have the cholesterol slapped outta them yet.

If I were Ms. Berry I’d say, “Hell yeah I’m expecting...to take a giant dump tomorrow morning when I wake up.”

This is impressive, I usually tense up anytime I finally get near third base.

I played right field in little league.

I had heard really good things about it pretty much since it premiered, but I just didn’t get around to watching it. Then I saw Legion when it came on and people mentioned that it was from Noah Cawley, the same guy who did Fargo, and I got more interested. Soon!

TV Line reports season four’s archvillain will be Clifford DeVoe, a.k.a. the Thinker—who, thank god, isn’t a speedster, but a failed lawyer who uses technology to give him advanced telekinetic powers and mind control abilities.

Jurassic Bark

Thomas D. Homan. Thomas Dee Ho-man. Thomas The Human.

Honestly, this is the best comment I could hope to get for this piece.

Alien day being on 4/26 is goddamn stupid. It should fall on the 426th day of the year, dummies.

THATS BECAUSE YOUR A SOFT CUCK BRO. REAL MEN DONT NEED VACATION THEY PUT THERE NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE