I’m just saying you don’t have to smile while you’re eating the shit. You don’t have to be a Philadelphia Eagles fan.

This kind of bad luck, it’s almost like they have bad juju somehow. Like they’re buried on ancient burial ruins, or they use a cursed word or something. Weird.

Think about it - have you ever seen both of them at the same time?

It’s kind of telling that he says he’s been doing this for fifteen years.  You forget how much damage a rookie has exposed himself to already.

And now Dallas knows Washington’s game plan to run 55 times from the I-formation.

My girlfriend’s sister had mono when we were all in college. I was terrified I’d get it because my girlfriend was the super jealous type and she would have accused me of kissing her sister or something. And the last thing I’d want is my girlfriend yelling at me because then my wife would find out.

Y'know, I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

Mr. Ped 

+2 Henries 

According to some, they were focusing on race.

TIL that swim meets in Alaska don’t immediately give all competitors concussions upon diving in.

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

Alasska Scold Rush 

That’s incorrect. See below:

Can this be her “Howard Dean goes AAARGH” moment and we never hear about her ever again? Please?

ACAB

The only problem with these deals are that hanging onto the winglet at 450mph can be very tiring. Hydrate beforehand, maybe even take some preworkout supplement. Good earbuds help.

9 people from Toronto and no hits... what is this, Broken Social Scene?

at some point maybe corporate America will realize selling $35-55k cars is difficult if there is no middle class

I’ve completely changed how I’m thinking about this, and the answer is baseball by a mile. Let’s look at the reality of this. I’m getting $1m if I succeed, and the only way I have ANY chance to succeed if is I bribe anyone I need to bribe to get it done. So lets say I content myself with half the money. That means I…