Amal's wedding dress by Oscar de la Renta is much more lovely than my wedding dress by J. C. de la Penney.

The fart-fu is strong in this one.

I perfected my crop dusting as a server, but made the best use of it as a flight attendant. Captive audience.

Screw the family in the last story. They deserved a table by the dumpster. Had my children made fun of a person with special needs, I would have made them apologize. I then would have picked up the family's check and my children would have then had that money deducted out of their allowances until the balance was…

Seriously, fuck that last family. I would have done every unsanitary thing possible to their meals short of giving them e coli, and even then I would consider it.

I for one was really hoping you would actually show the basis for your claims *with reference to the article.* But instead, you just kept repeating that everyone who didn't agree with you was stupid and racist. Derailing 101: "If asked to support your claims
with evidence, change the subject by smearing the people who…

Ugh, it sucks that it started out so romantic for you too! Dinner, hand holding, phone convos, and full moons are totally romantic. Ghosting is not romantic unless it's Devon Sawa and you're Cristina Ricci. You definitely dodged a bullet! I hope you feel less cynical as time goes on! And I actually hope that you see…

Ugh, ghosting. My most recent....1st date: a brief drink turns into a 6 hour dinner and conversation. We have a lot in common and I start to feel the chemistry. We have a couple of long phone conversations mid week followed by 2nd date: dinner with lots of hand holding, eye gazing. He kisses me under a full moon. …

I'll drink to that!

Look how hot he is!

"A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That's what I write," he says, putting it back. "That's what I write."

I used to work closely with his aunt. She said, "Whenever I think of Nick, the first visual that pops into my head is him running around with droopy diapers," which pretty much informed my opinion of him ever since. Can't seem to get that visual out of my head. :-)

I didn't have an opinion on Nicholas Sparks until now, aside from thinking his movies and books look like things I would not enjoy, but this:

Like many queer women, I like me some gay man sex on tv. (Queer as Folk, eff yeah!) This is going to be great.

THEY MAY SEE SOME IMPLIED ANAL LICKING BETWEEN TWO MEN

Attention bad tippers: Paris Hilton is now a better person than you are. BOOM.

I blame these recently hired cooks:

Zhang's Noodles: OpiYUM!

The whole thing gets sucked inside like a tape measure snapping back into its case.