Andrew Miltenberg or Martenberg? you have both. I just need to know where to mail this pile of dog shit, please advise.

forks tines-side down in the dishwasher basket

Not sure I get your point about soccer — repeated sub-concussive blows to the head are an integral part of the game in the form of using your head to hit a ball, often one with blistering pace on it.

because they're spoilt by years of success, unlike Arsenal fans, who are ruined by years of mediocrity out of step with their own high self-regard

Why does Nacho Mommareal get to put his sweaty paws all over the ref without consequence here?

Hard to believe Greg would waste a rare blog post on a Tottenham result when he could be breathlessly celebrating Woolwich barely beating bottom of the table Leicester City at home.

Jacob Steinberg called Fellaini "a big elbowy tree" which I think is about right.

did you miss yesterday's post, when young Bill Haisley had to type nice things about Spurs?

If the idea is, a la Mourinho, to distract the media from the fact that United can't score for shit despite having some very expensive attacking players, then maybe it's working. But as the season wears on I am less and less convinced that Louis Long Baal is some genius and more inclined to think he's a phony.

How about this: long balls can at times work, no style of play is morally superior to any other, and the only approval that matters comes in the form of points won or lost. We cool? Cool.

Lloris is better.

they pretty much ride Kane, Christian Eriksen, and Nabil Bentaleb to results, while hoping none of the others fuck things up too badly

This post reminded me of Mallory Ortberg's hilarious series of children's books made horrific. The one she did on The Runaway Bunny really stuck with me. That book (the original version) is awful.

hahaha hey buddy

You people are filthy, filthy animals.

And he's just scored the clinching goal about as clinically as you'll see.http://gfycat.com/OccasionalLine…

I like kreayshawn's instagram, most of the time it's all really well composed selfies but sometimes it's totally spontaneous moments like this

Why does this website waste so much time covering the fourth best team in English pro soccer? It would be really weird if, say, the Telegraph or the Guardian breathlessly covered the ins and outs of every Denver Broncos or Oklahoma City Thunder season.

A meme so meme it memed a meme on my meme.