I'm doing a casual-hang-out-with-friends thing tonight, and I don't wanna. I can't really back out, since we just made the plans earlier today, but all I want to do is put on pjs and make nachos and finish watching Orange is the New Black.

Firstly, that's awesome and takes guts. I suck at doing stuff like that. So let me give you some advice! :-p

Well, my first thought is, "why does it matter?" He sounds like a happy guy in a good marriage who doesn't comment on strange women's attractiveness in public. Why should anyone care if he's into dudes instead of (or in addition to) ladies?

That sounds delicious.

Haha, I've only gotten 1/10th that many high ratings, but I don't have pictures up, so I'm cool with it.

Well, yeah. What women are supposed to want and what women actually want are very, very different much of the time (but not always, which I guess is why this marketing works? Or is perceived to work?).

Hm. This might actually be a good thing—if you say you'd rather do something in the city/don't want to go that far, and he pressures you on it rather than being cool about it, that will tell you a lot about him.

I wish I had an easy answer, but this is something I struggle with all the time. One thing that helps is having feminist friends who reinforce a really positive image of yourself and share your worldview. They can also help you see how feminists navigate relationships as both feminists and as people raised to buy into…

That sounds incredibly unsettling. I hope things work out okay/he's not violent/you find a way to feel safe.

Ugh, I know that feeling. My mom has just started nagging me about marriage (I'm approaching 30), and she's been pressuring me to "give her grandchildren" since I finished college. It's totally inappropriate and just hurtful.

You're welcome! It's one of my most marketable skills.

It's probably because we (women) are supposed to want lingerie that men will want to see us in. The male gaze that desires the women in ads like this is the gaze we're supposed to be courting.

Are you a guy who hassles and interrogates women in order to try to convince them to give you another chance?

It's absolutely cultural. Women are taught that seeming eager is bad; it makes you a terrible slut or somesuch nonsense. So we're supposed to pretend that we aren't interested and make men "convince" us to date/sleep with them, because that way we're not being slutty. It's complete bullshit, but it's also hard to…

I've definitely used the fake boyfriend as an excuse. Because with guys like that, "owned by another dude" is more convincing than "said no." Which is super fucked up.

Yikes. Sounds like the poor woman had some formative experiences with clingly/stalkery dudes.

I agree—it's better to let them know that they won't hear from you again. Now, if they demand reasons/explanations/a chance to change your mind, then I'd go radio silent. Because that's entitled behavior you don't want to encourage.

Yeah, that's awesome that she can get married and all, but can we talk about how RAVEN-SIMONE IS ONLY A YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME? Why did I think she was still a teenager?

Anecdata! It's like science, but more fun, because you don't have to be accurate or think too hard.

"Of course you'd rather be offensive than inaccurate. Being inaccurate hurts your feelings. Being offensive hurts someone else's."