Both my utterly mundane penis and the rest of my utterly mundane self couldnt agree more. Well done!

Love.

UTTERLY mundane penis.
I love it.

When I am at home alone and making pizza what I like to do is break it into frozen chunks, put it into a bowl and then microwave it until it is edible.

And what I'm saying is that what you're "merely suggesting" is a bad idea that's just as likely to make you look like a condescending asshole as it is to succeed. Most people aren't hitting on 10 women at one time and trying to choose a drink they think would appeal to the majority of them. You're trying to hit on…

My favorite racist tweet I’ve ever seen is when I saw a local business tweet some image/conservative meme that said, “Hitler and Obama: the only two people to have their own symbols” and had the swastika and the hope and change symbol side by side. I was like, WHAT ABOUT PRINCE THOUGH???

if they had combined these with those light-up shoes i would have been a much happier child

Do you have access to a Sephora? I recommend their house brand Cream Lip Stain. I've only tried a couple, but I've found it to be far less drying than many of the other long wear lip products.

Do you have access to a Sephora? I recommend their house brand Cream Lip Stain. I've only tried a couple, but I've…

JUSTIFIED?!?!!?!?!?

I wanted something very specific for my very small wedding and thought it would be nicer (and cheaper) to make them by hand. My husband is a cartography dork so I folded little sailboats out of maps and used other map-related scrapbook paper and all sorts of bells and whistles on these 30 odd intricate little…

A friend of mine married a man from Europe, and one of his groomsman told us that he didn't realize he was in the wedding until the wedding — he just thought it was an American custom to tell your guests exactly what color suit, shoes and shirt to wear.

My fantastic friends helped me make approximately 80 burlap-wrapped invitations. They all came out wonderful and no one fought.

shih tzu / maltese rescue here. (shihtese? maltzu?)

Proposals: whatever, you crazy kids.

Weddings: ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?!?!?!

1. You are robbing yourself of two distinct love-or-stressed filled days a year.
2. It's expensive as all the fucks plus more

ETA: A Valetine's wedding is like a December birthday you willingly chose. Why would you do that?

Are you under the impression that rape on campus is rare, inevitably treated with the utmost consideration to the victim, and prosecuted to the full extent of the law?

Yeah, no biggie! Just another roadside rape is all. I'm sure most American women just factor those into their regular commute time and barely even think about it again.

Queens dont drive?

Oh, you were talking about the doll. I was about to say, if you really wanted to spice up strawberry shortcake, you soak the shortcake in spiced rum, and add a nice dollop of whipped cream.

For my wedding (THIS WEEKEND YOU GUYS!!!!) I'll be wearing these lovelies from Kate Spade:

"If you take your kid to see Fifty Shades of Grey, you're off your fucking rocker."