When I was 10 I got a haircut that I didn't particularly care for. It was the mid-90s and it was some shoulder length, layered monstrosity. Because I was a bit of a lazy tomboy I never bothered to do anything proper with my hair, I'd go to bed with wet hair and in the morning, I'd wake up with the layers going in a…

Those floozy men with their bowties and their suits, trying to lead all the ladies into sin.

I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend she doesn't need to wear makeup....

I know this is unsolicited, but please tread lightly with your girlfriend and examine why it is you're trying to convince her. She doesn't NEED to wear makeup, but people do all kinds of things they don't strictly NEED to all the time, every single day. Why single out makeup in particular? Does it make her happy? Is…

We didn't initially choose to cause distress, but now, having been loudly informed that we are causing survivors distress we are actively choosing to intentionally press forward with the actions that we know are causing distress.

there is always this bad connotation of bad smell, dirty stinky fingers and such

I googled "head on a swivel gif" but instead I got these gifs of owls with incredible ranges of motion:

That's one of the reasons I love it when the weather gets cooler. All of a sudden I can carry my shit around easily and divide stuff up into pockets so there's no need to dig around for something specific.

Don't you hate it when sexism invades your comics?

She isn't saying that you should give up your team or loving your team. She's saying that you should recognize that supporting your team (and through them the NFL) while being disgusted at the way the NFL handled the situation makes you a hypocrite. She doesn't say "bad person". She says "hypocrite".

Well someone needs a hug.

I noticed a light was on across the street, unusual for my old neighbour. It was still on the next day. I couldn't see anything else amiss but called the police to be on the safe side. She'd fallen and couldn't move, she was really weak when the ambulance arrived but she ended up OK.

OF COURSE! Punching them in the nose! Why didn't every rape victim ever think of that? Rapists: they're just like sharks, the cheeky little fuckers.

Photographer: I'm sorry. This shot just isn't working. We're going to need more mouth if at all possible.

If I eat two tacos, do I have to make two donations? Because if so I'm probably going to have to make six donations.

"Am i missing something?"

That's why I can't use tampons - I would be embarrassed to read the directions to my parents.

I desperately just tried to send you a gif of Dean winking sexily at you but apparently we're not allowed to do that yet. :-/