Also feel the need to add:

I always find the man justification for not allowing women in certain roles to be the ultimate irony.

One woman read a magazine the whole time. She was my hero.

man, life is so complicated. I think couples should make up a new last name when they marry. That might be fun.

The only use for a same-day wedding video is if some jerks decide to attend the reception only and not the wedding. I WILL MAKE YOU WATCH US WED SINCE I HAVE TO PAY $100 FOR YOU TO HAVE SOME STUPID CHICKEN FOR DINNER.

Jesus. Hector. Christ. I hope someone proposes during her stupid fucking wedding. I hope everyone who’s not the bride wears white just to spite her. I hope her maid of honor gives a really mean, passive-aggressive speech. I hope her aunt gets too drunk and hits on the groom, and he goes for it.

Narration: Amanda Jones thought she had it all.

If the point of mother’s day is not to remind my mother that she made a terrible mistake in becoming a mother, what are we here for.

At first I thought “Me? No, I’m a rational person, I have cried a lot but nothing crazy” and then OH WAIT. I actually had my picture taken in the buff for a photographic project that sought to highlight natural beauty. I thirty, fresh out of my one serious relationship, and I was looking to distance myself as much as…

“My family has expectations for my wife” sounds like the shit Warner said to Elle in Legally Blonde. Please tell me this guy was as stupid too.

My story is second hand:

But you didn’t go out with the waiter? I am in love with the waiter.

I hope you tipped that waiter very well.

When I found out that my abusive ex-husband was also a cheating then-current-husband, I kicked his ass out. In August. In Georgia. In 100 degree weather. After screaming at ex with such ferocity that even The World’s Most Docile Dog was growling at me, I threw ex out and locked the door. I could hear him calling…

Apparently I’ve just been too nice, or just wanted to get the fuck away, so there are no spectacular break-up tales. Best I can do: At the tender age of 16, my high school love broke up with me in a heartless and shitty way, in front of people, right before Easter, for a mousy lame-ass trumpet playing girl. He was…

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

YOUR MOM.

I dated a guy in law school who broke up with me, on Valentine’s Day, in a fancy French restaurant. Apparently he thought I would not make a scene in public. Apparently he had learned shit about me in that year we dated. I bounced a bowl of fancy little French pickles off his forehead, one by one, and the waiter…

My only serious college boyfriend and I were both huge stoners and our relationship mostly revolved around smoking out of his giant, beloved two-foot decorative purple bong named “The Mystery Machine,” having sex and playing Super Smash Bros. Melee. He was in the Army ROTC had to enter the service after college. Since…

My ex cheated on me with his brothers girlfriend. He then had the audacity to ask for his high school lacrosse hoddie back (he was 22 this should have been a warning sign). I burned it at a bonfire, took a picture and put the ashes in a box with the picture.