He has several fat friends, and he checked with them, and it’s cool.

Smails?! He sent boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Although, now that I think about it, he didn’t want to do it, just felt he owed it to them. Hmmm...

“...as well as its first LGBTQ governor.”

“Boombastic” would be about bombing North Korea, duh.

Is it charmingly self-effacing or just douchy that he’s wearing a name tag? I know my answer.

Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking,
But I sent you Ben-gay,
Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something,
And I...

I heard the other mucus blobs all said he was a real asshole to work with as well.

Only gummi can truly capture it, and even then only in the hands of a true artisan.

They’re still misspelling saxamaphone, though.

Those sources were busy telling people it was too dangerous to go anywhere near a movie theater to see any movie this weekend.

I assume the horror is from the tragic loss of hot pants to the sea.

They wanted to go with“Fifty Shades Unbound” but that’s already the title of one of Aeschylus’ lost plays.

The Met has reached Geico ad-level wit and humor. Huzzah.

How much to have Barney and Baby Bop double-team me? AFAF.

It lives on in crossword puzzles everywhere. It will never die!

But will they put butter on my Milk Duds?

“2 plates” (2 45-lb plates per side, plus a std 45-lb bar) is 225 lbs.

Yeah but do they come Mit Iodine!?

Well, it’s hard to ignore the elephant in the room, especially if the elephant is masturbating and won’t let you leave the room.

Nuh-uh. Now they won’t be able to see Disney movies Early and For Free!