You're not the only one. 

I hope Trump buys Wales and then shows up at Sea World demanding to see them.

That's way better than me and I didn't even play!

I personally have listened to “Lose Yourself” on Spotify and I assumed Eminem got paid for it. I hope he did; he sure deserves it.

If Mel Brooks made a sports movie....

But what are you gonna read next month when Deadspin goes tits up?

Go ahead, take All the stars

Mesa, Arizona, would like a word.

I'm shocked that Jie Zhao is white.

Darryl Kile was my age and I used to travel to games just to watch him pitch. To this day I haven't gotten over it.

If this were a movie, it would be Farbro

Remember that scene in “Lost in America” where Julie Hagerty gambles away the nest egg? And Albert Brooks tells her she can never again say “nest egg”? In fact, she can’t say “nest” OR “egg”?

I'm cool with Soros as long as he keeps sending me those checks. 

I didn’t expect to defend Brett Kavanaugh on anything tonight, but fuck it: beer is awesome. 

Exception to prove the rule: "Obama is a legitimate, American-born president."

Wow, you guys are on a roll 

I was classmates with Obama’s budget director — at an elite prep school, no less — and I can’t even get out of the grays.

I took a picture of that fountain once too! So that’s, uh, one thing we have in common.

My deepest condolences

In response, the Blue Jays’ pregame lecture stressed the importance of not hitting. Perhaps that message should have been more nuanced.