Why would you feel sorry for her? She contributes nothing to society and has had everything handed to her for her entire life. Don’t feel sorry for her. Laugh at her when she gets a farm and figures out real work blows.

Do you think single people get that stuff ever? I’ll take once over never.

It’s not just the tax breaks. When’s the last time someone bought you a microwave or a convection toaster or towels for simply being single. You get a TON of free shit for getting married. Single people don’t get any of that shit.

BUT IT’S ONLY A 2007! I THOUGHT THOSE SWEET SWEET TAX BREAKS WERE GONNA GET ME A FUCKIN MASERATI! WAH!!!

In the summer festival season, I pull days where I’m standing over flames for anywhere from 12 to 20 hours straight, and then we all go get drunk. And do the exact same thing the next day. I barely even wake up for a 4 hour shift. That’s a break for me. Fuck Donald Trump.

I love Electric Forest. I actually got lost in there one night.

This is the flare bartending of lightsaber dueling. Just gimme my fuckin drink and start fighting already.

We’re still getting random bees fly into our food truck in Detroit. I’m working the pans in December and I still have to worry about getting stung by bees. This time last year, I was in 700 layers of Carhartt on the truck. Accidentally catching on fire from the propane heater was a thing. This year we get bees. Fuck.

The squirrels are everywhere. January is not going to be kind to them.

Not a chance I’m having sex anytime soon. There is no way. BTL3’s dick is banned from further activities until proper medical attention is received.

Counseling if she wants it. If she doesn’t want it, let her go home.

Ok, that link wasn’t nearly as horrific as I expected. Informative, but not terrifying.

Adequate reproductive health care? If you seriously didn’t get my point, you’re a fucking moron.

Pretty sure I have an STI right now and I have said “I don’t fucking care” for about a week, and I live in a good state. Unless a guy’s dick is falling off, we’re not getting tested for anything.

The laws are set up to be incredibly restrictive to access to a legal abortion. That’s the whole point of shutting down the clinics that used to provide this legal service. She didn’t “wait” 24 weeks to make “her choice”, she was backed into a corner by old white men to where she felt her only option was sticking a…

I love orphan holidays. With me it’s usually I’m so busy with work that on holidays I wake up in the morning and just say fuck it, I’m not going. I’m taking a me day.

Mine is December 6th and my sister-in-law’s is December 12th. My family likes to celebrate both birthdays together, so I learned to stop giving a shit about it at least 15 years ago. Someone asked me what I wanted this year and I looked at them like they were from Neptune. “I have my own money, fuck do I need from…

Right? “I work for X company and also I think Lily Labeau is really cool.” That’s like begging to be fired.

Who’s watching porn spoofs in 2015? I just wanna cut to the chase and see some people fucking for 5 minutes. Don’t really need any exposition, the dick going in the vagina is pretty much all I need to know.

It’s gotta be a farm-to-table facial or else I’m not into it.