But you see, my dick might wiggle a bit if I see your knees, therefore God hates you and you should wear a longer skirt. AND COVER UP THOSE ANKLES, MISSY!

If you’re not an archeologist or an oil tycoon, why the hell would anyone want to go there?

So what? She ran a shit campaign in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin. It’s not like this is the first time in the last 16 years the dems have been fucked by the electoral college. This isn’t some new thing. Don’t make excuses for her. She lost to a moron with a campaign staffed with complete buffoons. That’s on…

They’re not a dying generation though. They’re living longer and also, they all have kids that are just as fucking stupid, and they have A LOT of them. Waiting for them to die isn’t really going to fix the problem.

I totally pat myself on the back if the only snack food I walk out with is some roasted red pepper hummus and pita chips. Then I reward myself by eating it immediately.

Link?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The next one will be named Mike.

I was looking for another H but couldn’t come up with one. That sounds about right.

But when we *do* go to stores, it’s either alone or for groceries most of the time (or with friends who need similar things).

“Hey honey, I think we should get little Timmy this shirt. He is growing so fast!”

Fuck that. Going to the mall with your SO is an excruciatingly hellish experience and I don’t begrudge anyone for trying to get out of it. When I go to a department store, I BUY WHAT I WENT THERE TO FUCKING BUY AND THEN I LEAVE. I’m out in 20 minutes and it doesn’t turn into a whole fucking afternoon. If that’s your…

Honor and Haven? Good god those are terrible names. Good thing they were born rich. If they weren’t they’d be destined to a life of stripping and eventually giving $20 blowjobs to support their meth habit.

Nah, free refills. Fountain soda is basically a sunk cost anyway so no one’s going to notice, unless someone rats you out which is apparently what happened here.

The message we seem to repeatedly get is just don’t call the fucking cops for help because they’ll just make things worse and possibly kill you in the process.

She’s great. She’s so talented that she dropped out of NYU Tisch to be a Daily Show correspondent. How cool is that? “College is cool but I’m gonna go do this whole Daily Show thing instead.”

He... he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary that there were protesters at his private golf course during the U.S. Women’s Open and considers it a victory that he had more counter-protesters, AT HIS OWN FUCKING GOLF COURSE. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Don, PEOPLE LEGIT FUCKING HATE YOU. It boggles my…

Love Jessica Williams and fuck yeah, this looks really funny. Can’t wait and I will be watching as soon as it drops.

Have you somehow made it through life without being involved in a wedding? Every damn little thing in a wedding costs 7,000 times what you think it should cost. You’ll drop $4,500 just on the salt and pepper shakers. A wedding dress? Yeah, that’s going to be more than a few hundred bucks.

Anybody can ask any fucking question they want you fucking fascist piece of shit. Seriously, FUCK. YOU.

McCain will cave for sure. That Maverick thing is a complete fucking fiction and always has been, dreamed up during the 2000 primary season in a futile attempt to out-outsider George W. Bush. It’s always been bullshit.