I’m going to go with a “don’t ask” list:

Oh big time. Piña Colado screams “I like Jimmy Buffet and I’m not ashamed of it.” Back away slowly on that one.

It’s gotta be a red or a white, and only one and only with a glass of ice water. Loose lips sink ships and you don’t want to say something deeply stupid until the 3rd or 4th date. By then you’ve kind of glommed on and you get a pass for it.

He didn’t hold up a bloody, fake, head of the President. Griffin has no excuse on this one. No liberal would’ve allowed a conservative to hold up a severed, fake, head of Obama without it being the major story for weeks.

Except that doesn’t work and hasn’t worked since the 3rd way democrats of the 90s like the Clintons and that’s how we got blue dog democrats that are to the right of Nixon. Compromising with these people is a fruitless endeavor that doesn’t ever work. Did you somehow sleep through the Obama years?

Well, there’s also Gordie Howe’s number 9 because he was a legend who literally played pro hockey in 5 different decades. He even got into a hockey fight with his own son once which is just, WOW.

I know nothing of her music but I must admit, she has my respect for doing that.

So, Subban throws a haymaker, shown without any context at all, but you’re totally cool with a crosscheck to the back of the neck which damn well could have killed or paralyzed Subban. News flash: Sid The Kid is dirty as shit and absolutely had that shit coming for like a dozen dirty ass things he’s done just in the…

I usually make that sound if I have to change a tire or shovel snow. Suddenly I turn into Danny Glover and start muttering about being too old for this shit.

Yet even more proof you don’t live in the real world. No one’s going to jail for beating the shit out of your sorry ass.

My last MTV show was Date My Mom and Jesus Shitty-Titty Christ I’m getting old because that was 12 years ago and I was already old enough to rent a car even back then. Someday I’m going to have to try and explain to my grandkids what 120 minutes was and I’m just going to let the senility take hold. “You win, batshit…

No, him being wrong is what makes him wrong.

When I was 5 I was mostly concerned with what combination of colors to use whilst melting crayons on the radiator in my shitty Detroit Public School. Then it’s off to home to either find a refrigerator box or a really big pile of dirt to play GI Joes on. Sometimes we’d combine the box and the dirt and SHIT GOT CRAZY.

You know that if you said any of the shit you regularly say to someone IRL, you’d get the absolute fucking shit beat out of you, right? Like, you would not have any teeth left intact if you ever crossed my path and I suspect the same is true of most Jezzies if they ever had the misfortune of meeting you. You would get…

I think it’s bullying. [I’ve got] nothing against homosexuals–as individuals, they can do what they want to do–but my belief as a Christian is marriage the Bible way and I think it’s sad that these people are using that to try to hit below the belt.

Lol. First episode knock out after you made a pancake breakfast for everyone topped with a home-made strawberry compote and then Brett Michaels is still not convinced you’re there for him so your sorry ass doesn’t get a rose, because you made pancakes.

SHE’S NOT THERE TO MAKE FRIENDS!

Of course it’s a Criminal Minds episode, because Jesus Christ of course it is. That’s probably multiple episodes of Criminal Minds.

Don’t text or call me unless it’s important. I live 600 miles away from my hometown of Detroit and I have random old friends who will text me around 11 or 12 at night asking “what’s been going on man?” Well, my mother has a heart condition and my father has had 2 strokes this year so COULD YOU NOT FUCKING CALL OR TEXT…