My uncle Dave did the same thing a few years after my aunt Susie passed away. “So, you’re marrying another woman named Susie? Well that’s fucking weird.”

Levity? You should probably figure out what that word means before using it again.

Yes, and as a typical Pens fan, you just said something deeply stupid. They were extremely fucking lucky to win that game and their shooting percentage was an extreme aberration.

SUNSHINE AND DAYDREAMS DOOOO-DO-DO

That’s fucking hilarious because towards the end, he clearly doesn’t know the words. I’ve performed in front of live audiences hundreds of times and that’s what it looks like when someone is just aping it. So not only did he sing along when it was totally inappropriate to do so, he didn’t even know the fucking words.…

Our most solemn holiday, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Memorial Day is about getting drunk in a public park while the kids run around wondering why daddy’s ‘acting all funny’ and then eating shitty, burnt hot dogs to sober up a bit. The only people who view it as some sacred day are going to do the exact same thing but…

Actually, France has a pretty sweet Navy. And actually, D-Day would’ve been more of a clusterfuck than it already was without the French Resistance. And actually, we would not have won the American Revolution, the War of 1812 or the Civil War without French intervention. Also actually, Charlemagne was kind of a big…

At least there’s one person here who isn’t a complete moron

Seriously. Shea Weber’s fucking top-notch but aging out. I have no idea what the fuck the Habs were thinking with that trade. PK is in his prime and they just gifted him to a team that can actually play.

Don’t worry, the stupid breed prolifically and there will be more than enough to replace the ones dying off. Save your hope and optimism for the lottery, because this country ain’t not getting no smarter.

Shiiiiiit, when I was in middle school I hated Tipper Gore before anyone knew that was a thing. You can easily have well developed political opinions by that age if you listened to the Dead Kennedys.

Why wouldn’t he know ricotta is cheese? Weird assumption to make.

Right? What’s the schedule look like for a 5 team league?

I remember the Detroit Drive from a million years ago and went to a game. It looked... sorta like football? I wouldn’t really know though, because I’m from Detroit.

Jesus. When you have to ‘come out’ in support of a political candidate, that right there should tell you your support is misplaced and you’re probably a fucking idiot.

I had a job like that once. We were supposed to have voluntary team building exercises every other Saturday and I was like “fuck no, I’m not doing that. I’m spending my Saturday doing whatever the fuck I want, because you’re not paying me.” Sure enough, I was not popular with my bosses and got all the shit shifts.

Aw shit! You Preds fans are already becoming fucking insufferable? At least wait until they fucking win, you fucking neophyte.

Yup. And then once Miggledorph’s contract was up, he inexplicably decided to sign with the Dolphins.

No shit. And you know Currie M. Mingledorph played at Nebraska and got fined 5 times in his first 3 pro seasons for punching Jay Cutler in the dick during a sack.

10 actions per second? Ever play Hockey, Baseball or Tennis? In hockey, you’re doing all that with knives strapped to your feet. In baseball, you’re basically not doing shit the whole time unless you’re a catcher, but when you are doing something, it’s a whole fuckload of something. Tennis players basically fuck their…