My favorite conspiracy theory: Bowlsby, under influence from the king of the conference (Texas), refused to name a single champion so that both Baylor and TCU would be hurt, and therefore would be harming the two in-state rivals of Texas (i.e., Texas keeping little brothers down).

37. Raccoon

Of all of the really stupid comments in the grays that I read because I hate myself, I want to single this one out because I think it's truly a monumental achievement in tone-deafness to imagine that young black men are being more detrimentally affected by sympathetic Deadspin articles than by being MURDERED.

When the oceans rise another 3 feet and the refugees from Arizona Bay, West Virginia Harbor and the Gulf of Arkansas come pouring inland, those who do not call it "pop" will be refused entry into our glorious new republic.

Screw you, fly over state potato growers. I'm sick of your ocean envy

Fuck you and your midwest heritage! Choke on your Skyline Chili and Coors Lights, Middle America!

From now on I'm only referring to Southerners as Civil War Losers

And people who call it soda are douchebags.

You're going to get a very sternly worded letter from the owner of a boutique artisinal sarsaparilla shop in Williamsburg.

I thought it was offensive when the officials by the goal line kept making that same gesture in St. Louis today. Enough is enough.

He forgot to wear these though.

Dear SimuLord,

What fucking assholes. Can't even be dicks when people expect them to be dicks.

"Right... Wayne's son..."

And that, children, was the only time a referee has ever made a bad call at the Bell Centre.

Actually, it’s Killing Tuesdays With Moldy

"No me duele!" Spanish for, "bitch ripped my ear off, I don't care, let me beat this whore.". Or, "I'm not hurt.", if you follow Rosetta Stone.

All the time; MLS has done a pretty good job scouting Central and South America for talent. Freddy Montero is a good example of MLS doing a good job ID'ing a talented young player in a smaller league, developing and then flipping him.

Billy, I've said this before, but you really have no business writing about MLS when you have such an obvious axe to grind against the league. Please stop.