That’s like awarding a kid a participation trophy. At this point, “try their best” isn’t good enough. They really can’t afford another system flop. That’s how you find yourself getting bought by Apple in 2018.

+1 for proper AP Style on “coming.”

Rep. McCarthy then got into a big black SUV and drove away like Bieber fleeing the paparazzi and drove away.

Your Hemingway readability score is a Grade 18. Tom’s is a 12. Try again.

#NotAllHyMen

There is money to be made in a line of porn where the actors are sans makeup.

Things I’ve learned today from Gawker Media that require picking my jaw up off the floor:

Jessica Alba is worth more than $350 million.

Zero chance a judge would grant a stay. Brady will never get any missed games back if the appeal confirms the Berman decision, and the salary is secondary to the intrinsic value of games; simply, Brady has finite number of opportunities he has to practice his craft.

Welllllllllllllllll MY NAME IS SARAH PALIN, YEAH YOU KNOW ME! VICE PRESIDENT NOMINEE FOR THE G-O-P. GONE NEED YOUR VOTE IN THE NEXT ELECTION. CAN I GET A WHAT-WHAT FROM THE SENIOR SECTION?

I just pulled a hammy watching that sprint to cover the bag.

Poor Stan. Things never seem to break his way.

BUT HAVE YOU HEARD JEFF TWEEDY COVER “I GOTTA FEELING” ???

Nelly’s Country Grammar. Or Kanye’s 808s and Heartbreak.

NFL Films voice: AND ON THAT DAY, THE COVERAGE BEAT TOM BRADY.

The requested Apple shares will run you almost 1300 bucks. Pricy, but easy to comply with. But the real ballers would request a Zune.

Not sure what other teams do, but the Patriots typically have had a private party for previous rings hosted by Kraft, like on a boat or something.

There’s a real I’m-only-half-kidding vibe to this post...

OMG I HAD THIS VERY CONVERSATION WITH MY WIFE THE OTHER NIGHT.

Not to nitpick, but the header is misleading - she’s not the first ever trans candidate to run, just Utah’s first ever trans candidate.

He’s now free to run for Mayor of New Orleans.