Television taught me that it's because they balanced the pH.

This got me thinking about the least-desireable skin condoms. I'd expect snakeskin would be creepy, while sharkskin would be damaging.

Oh, man. That got a giggle.

"DID SOMEONE SAY BEAR BACK??"

When I got to New Orleans, when the drinking age was still 18, Heineken was the beer of choice for every freshman first-timer at the bar with money to spend, who wanted to show that they drink "imported" and had the cash to do so. Doesn't change the fact that it's still ass-swill in a green bottle.

I would wager that anyone who doesn't think ground turkey is a good filling is doing it wrong.

Hey, no need to be fresh, man.

11,000-thousands to be exact.

YEP. YOU ARE CORRECT. THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT SHOWS. Ayako Miyake still better than your hero. Always and forever. Amen.

Yo, Kacy, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but Ayako Miyake had three of the best Ninja Warrior runs of all time.

I'd like to know about ticks and bug bites in general.

This is amazing. I feel like the world needs an open thread of awful, discomforting kids drawings.

If Belichick uses LOL in a way that's not describing a play in which they sweep left off a lineman, I'm going to scream.

You fall asleep before your friends do ONE TIME.

NASCAR, nazgul, what's the difference?

Everyone knows he paid that bill just by signing.

The guy probably got $7 deducted from his till for giving away the contents of his bucket.

Benjamin Franklin Gates finds this mascot offensive and inconsiderate.

Well played.

#notallasians