We're talking about the man behind this fine establishment, right? Because that's first-ballot worthy, if I do say so myself.

Just once in my life I'd like to do something that results in someone declaring, "It is STUNNING!"

We call this, "Making a Kellen."

Sure going to be awkward when that guy tries to move from third base to home...

Off-brand? More like "knock-off-purse-party" brand. You can practically see the loose threads.

A SAINT, I tell you.

"Ma'am, please come pick up your child, Junior Ass Son."

No, I get that - but considering that one of them is the NFL Network's flagship premium offering, and the other is a DirectTV wannabe, somebody with the NFL messed up by not TM'ing all variations of a combined Red and Zone.

How are there two channels with "Red" and "Zone" in them?!? Someone at the NFL fumbled the ball on this one...

I get the "pie, other" category, but an exception should really be made for a crunchy bourbon walnut pie.

I have no problem voting for the perpetually drunk CEO of a national brand - but I'm a little uneasy with immortalizing a teenager who will likely never reach these levels again. Flash in the pan. And learner from mistakes.

Pssh. Used to do this all the time.

What Lowe class.

I preferred Summer Games II. After competing in rowing, I'd always accuse some nerd of stealing my million-dollar idea and breaking the Standards of Conduct in the Harvard Community.

Micro League Baseball for the win.

Man, fans of the North Dallas Bulls really have it tough.