Let's just say that I can't wait for a 98-year-old Toni Morrison writing about Sethe and Denver traveling the nation in a Winnebago, solving mysteries.

Because Twain was writing stuff like Tom Sawyer, Detective, at the end of his career.

This is what happens when you don't have a relevant baseball team for 20 years to mellow the populace.

It's a league investigation, not a legal matter. So I think MLB has a bit more wiggle room than your average prosecutor. Also, A-Rod sucks at life.

So again, to recap, he's not denying using PED's, just saying that MLB was a big gang of jerks in eliciting this information?

It seems that the Japanese players always have very noble, grounded aspirations beyond sport. Hideki Matsui, for one, aspired to be a curator of the world's largest collection of porn.

I think this list is a tad too general - for example, Gatorade Rain Lime is the sports drink equivalent to drinking an electrolyte-filled green freezer pop... which we all know IS THE KING OF ALL FREEZER POP FLAVORS.

I'll seek out the first - always up for trying new things. As for the latter, I'm morally opposed to anything involving Chingy.

But you're right, I probably should work out my lower body.

I like good, expensive, sipping vodka (Chopin), but you'll not find me at the club with a bunch of shot glasses and mixers. I don't share my sipping vodka, and I prefer to consume it in the quiet of my living room where my children think it's water and ice.

"Sippin martinis? You better hit happy hour at Applebees, bitch."

Based on the narrative's timeline, the authors are evangelicals, no?

Wait... is the mattress a he? It's important...

"Don't do murder in the bedroom, kids. That's what industrial parks are for." THE MORE YOU KNOW.

Yeah, I'm going to have to co-sign this. It's pretty awesome - like Game of Thrones if the dragons were boats.

I think he less camera shy in Vegas and actually was seething for the entire season that his punk brother, who only started cooking to prove he was better than his brother, showed up to spoil his big moment. Quite hilarious to think about.

Did the market not develop for the Hot Markets Topeka spinoff?

I would like to see a special titled, "Nazi Secret Alien Marksmen Supersquad." Seems like a History smoothie to me.

Hilarious. What do you call the other Voltaggio?

Technically, but we /History/ know they were also in cahoots with the Greys.