I wonder if there are now paparazzi stationed in Barbados for the sole purpose of taking photos of her when she's home. If so, that is my #1 dream job.

I have to be careful not to ask the question around lunchtime. I think you helped me decide what I'm having.

You're right, I pose the question as if there is a single answer. If someone is questioning their sexuality, it provides a little clarity. I've had straight guys tell me they might be gay, and I ask them this question, then they usually say women. If they really don't know, then they must be bi. Mostly I just think…

I'm a gay man. Whenever I meet someone, male or female, who is bisexual or who is straight but questioning their sexuality, I ask: what would you rather put your mouth on? There's usually only one answer.

How dare a trend go beyond one culture.

It's better if you watch it without sound.

Tanning is such a weirdly racial subject. I once wrote an ad for an airline. It was about traveling to a tropical location and the headline was something like, "Show off your tan lines." The client hated it because black people, part of their target, do not get tan lines. The headline obviously wasn't brilliant, but I…

It's not a defense, but it is an explanation: tanning salons almost exclusively target white people, so that's why they're represented in the ad.

My dog was a bee. She loved it less than I did.

I'm a guy with a thigh gap. It means nothing to me.

I know! "Non-dairy" coffee creamers always crack me up. How can you label a product according to what it's not? And if it's not dairy...what is it? They don't even technically need to be refrigerated. That's just to fool people into thinking they contain something natural.

I once toured the See's Candies factory and it smelled so delicious, I wanted to eat the walls. I guess that's the difference of making your own chocolate vs buying it and melting it into tasty things.

You'd be surprised what people believe. When they see a product that says "Fat free!" they assume that means it's healthy, when it's just trash. Packaging is the worst and words like "natural" seem so straightforward, people don't think to question them. And juice is just a complete lie.

Bagel thins are the product I used to work on! They have almost no nutritional value. And the same company that makes them, also makes bread. So they win either way.

Oh god, that sounds terrible! I've worked on some pharma brands and they were surprisingly fun, just because they have so much money that they can do anything. But editorial...that's a big no.

I'm in advertising, so I help make it even more confusing. I've worked on unhealthy products who want to seem healthy. So we end up writing, "Get back in those skinny jeans," leading people to think a bagel will help them lose weight. It's all a lie and I have no idea how the average person would know what is and…

I supported Gaga in the beginning. I lovedddddd "Just Dance," but over time I became tired of being lectured in morality by a pop star. And that song about her hair made me wish alopecia on her.

That sounds terrible! I'm glad you adopted the dog. I was one of those people who thought, "I'll get a puppy from a breeder. I don't want something that comes with weird abandonment issues." Now, my dog has extreme anxiety and has lately developed a sign of OCD where she chases lights—sometimes into our blinds.

Thank you! I hope you can find a place that would allow a dog. They're awful and destructive and expensive and take up all your free time, but the cuddles make up for it, somehow. And I worked at Petsmart, too! People are horrible, but I loved that job. I was going through a shoplifting phase (rebellion!), so my dog…

She's a soft coated wheaten terrier. And it's funny, she's so spastic that it discourages any stranger cuddling. People always say, "Awww, she's so cute" as they bend down to pet her. Then she jumps four feet vertically and head butts them. I realize it's not a behavior I should encourage, but it always makes me…