I tend to find io9 a noth above all the Gawker sites in that regard. But in the case of Jezebel, I think they are actively anti-objectivity to begin with.

I have yet to take a cab as clean as any of the Uber rides I've taken.

Everytime I see a lady wearing Buc-ee's pajama bottoms, I know she is DTF.

as a former sandwhich artist that is a fallacy. The dough can be stretched or proofed for longer and the length will be over 12 inches. It really depends on who cooked the bread. Whatever the length, though it's always the same amount of bread.

Can you just imagine being a fish and hanging out in the plane and the OHMYGODWHATISHAPPENINGTOMEHOLYSHITIAMGOINGTODIE oh cool more water.

Yep, why does it bother women that there are commercials like this.

AU CONTRAIRE MON FRERE, the Terry Crews Old Spice commercials are not stupid. They are wonderful.

Wow, some people really do have absolutely no sense of humor.

TLC's music, although by no means is all that great

After I wrote about the Long Island Medium in 2011, I got tons of emails, up to one year later. People telling me I was wrong. People wanting to believe.

Oh stop with this nonsense. I'm on the UT campus constantly; the last time I saw someone with "Juicy" on their butt, John McCain was contemplating who his VP running mate should be. Just stop. Seriously. STOP. My eyes can only roll so far back into my head.

Seriously. When are college students going to start treating college like the professional environment it in no way is?

It would've been better if she had taken a page out of the crazy British hat book and attached the infant to her head instead. Then she'd be VOLTRONBRIDE, DEFENDER OF THE RECEPTIONVERSE.

Is this a joke? I have no dislike for Rita Ora (I love her Rihanna x Gwen Stefani vibe) but this did not impress. At all. It felt so hesitant.

How does one manage perfectly symmetric vitiligo? For these models, even when there is a genetic problem they win the genetic lottery.

I live adjacent to one of the largest turtle nesting sites in the world and I have to say that this is remarkable and miraculous and rare enough that I have no witty or snarky retort. Simply amazing. The leatherback is a majestic and rare creature. Wow.

I once had someone break into my house while I was there. My dog, a 90-pound Catahoula, stopped him at the entryway and barked him away. Been especially grateful for having my dog ever since.