This now confirms my long-running suspicion that you are, in fact, Nicholas Sparks.

This is really one of those golden opportunities for me. I mean, what if I call and we really hit it off? I’m just saying what if MY call is the ONE CALL he answers out of thousands and we vibe. I feel like we would vibe, me and Jimmy Butler the professional basketball star. It would probably start slow. Like he’d…

What an idiot. Dude leaves the Bulls and then wants beef.

Please explain what a bat and glove are.

If you are going to make a gay joke, at least make one person laugh.

Typical Puig, not throwing it to the cut off man like he should.

Russ deserves MVP just for wringing 10+ assists per game from that dogshit roster.

C’mon man, show Isaiah Thomas some respect.

How is this tripe not grey? Smokin’ hot baseball take baseball guy, sizzling, +1, great job.

A boat’s a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!

Oh sure, now they want Kaepernick to get down on his knees.

Reportedly management called him up and said “It’s a Shane but we’re Doan with you.”

OH MAN THIS REMINDS ME OF THIS ONE TIME IN COLLEGE WHERE WE WERE DOING FIREBALL SHOTS OUT OF PEOPLE’S POO-HOLES (ANUSES) AND SOME WISECRACK THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE EVERYONE LMAO TO SET ONE ON FIRE. WHEN I SAW THAT GAPING MAW OF FIRE, TEQUILA, AND A SMALL DINGLEBERRY I THOUGHT “NO WAY BUT THIS IS COLLEGE AND THERE IS NO…

Obviously they won’t go. No one in the NBA supports a travel ban.

I’ll pay. I’ll watch. I’ll be embarrassed the next morning that I did either.

It’s tough to get anyone in Washington to admit to obstruction these days.

I live in DC and have found that my moral convictions do not stand up to attractive and willing to go out with me. I am probably not a good person though.

I could be naked in a room with every suicide girl model, snorting a mixture of cocaine and ground up viagra off their tits and if one of them said: “Wheel of Time is my favorite book series” my erection would wilt and not be returnable for like three days. Some things, only a few, are more important then sex.

Bautista disrespected the game by stealing second after a base on balls.

Because it’s Bautista, I expect people will complain about him disrespecting the game by stealing second after a base on balls.