High-heeled Fancy Pamts, Yuge Thunder-Fuck, Penis Face, Sleepy and Happy... each one of them talks through the ass, and I would rather choose a cross-eyed baboon than one of these guys.

Here’s my request: shutup.

I’d have to wear sunglasses if Jax were naked in my bed, and then he would steal them and I’d then go blind.

“I shouldn’t have to see the pain, struggle, and despair of homeless people to and from my way to work every day.”

Is James Woods beating his wife?

Holy Marco Roboto, what the hell is this?

Oh shit, now that’s in MY search history!

Santorum

That jacket is awful.

Must be one helluva litter box.

Pic of hairball, or aint true.

He should put on a pretty dress and go for a nice long walk.

My gurlfriend Rachel Maddow will get on this and go all Flint on their asses. Before you know it, Cher will be all “This Cherokee is up in your bizness and shit.” Then, problem solved.

Such a response! Why didn’t anyone ever shut my mother’s kitchen down? That woman poisoned everything she touched. God rest her soul.

I’m resentful about my childhood. Yes, it is.

Those aren’t carrots.

Normally, when I drive, I’m shooting birds not dodging them as they hit my windshield.

Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my father. But thank you for saying “please”.

Kara, that was rather abrupt. Please, you could have said, “No, thank you.” and I wouldn't have had my southern sensibilities so offended.

My wedding: “Please take one piece of cake, only. Did that bitch with Uncle Freddy take two?”