I’m not Superman! Best I can do is may 2, maybe 3 times in a day. I did it 5 times once when I was in college.... but dang! 42? Give a brother a break, Lion!

Just wondering, do you know everything?

I’d like for him to penetrate....

He should put on a pretty dress and go for a nice long walk.

My gurlfriend Rachel Maddow will get on this and go all Flint on their asses. Before you know it, Cher will be all “This Cherokee is up in your bizness and shit.” Then, problem solved.

Such a response! Why didn’t anyone ever shut my mother’s kitchen down? That woman poisoned everything she touched. God rest her soul.

I’m resentful about my childhood. Yes, it is.

Those aren’t carrots.

Normally, when I drive, I’m shooting birds not dodging them as they hit my windshield.

Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my father. But thank you for saying “please”.

Kara, that was rather abrupt. Please, you could have said, “No, thank you.” and I wouldn't have had my southern sensibilities so offended.

My wedding: “Please take one piece of cake, only. Did that bitch with Uncle Freddy take two?”

Did Martin Shkreli buy Gawker??

I don’t understand this. It would seem to me that if you want people to read your blog you would make it easily accessible from your other blogs. So let me get this thing straight. SPLOID is still there but I can’t get there from here? I have to go somewhere else first?

Excuse me, Ma’am, Sir? Yoohoo! Hey, you! Gawker! Where’d you put my Sploid? I’m sure it was here yesterday. You bastards! Did you take it and put it someplace out of reach? Would you please, for the love of brain candy, put it back up there in the left hand corner of my screen? Geez. This is why we can’t have nice…

Excuse me, Ma’am, Sir? Yoohoo! Hey, you! Gawker! Where’d you put my Sploid? I’m sure it was here yesterday. You bastards! Did you take it and put it someplace out of reach? Would you please, for the love of brain candy, put it back up there in the left hand corner of my screen? Geez. This is why we can’t have nice…

Trump!

This is not a flattering picture of homeboy. I do wonder if he will age well.

She cropdusted him. I’m certain of it. You know how she do.

Do you think Tucker Carlson has ever looked in the mirror and challenged himself to be a better man? If you think he has, do you think the “better man” he aspired to be involved seeing a world bigger than himself? In other words, has he ever thought maybe he should be less of a prick?